


Heavy With Hope

by TheVagabondBoy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Sex, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Happy Bucky Barnes, Happy Ending, Happy Tony Stark, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Light Bondage, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Masturbation, Morning Cuddles, Not Beta Read, Oral Sex, Post-Civil War, Sleepy Cuddles, Sorry Steve, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Top Bucky Barnes, wow i was not very nice to steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 17:20:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14753093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVagabondBoy/pseuds/TheVagabondBoy
Summary: Tony's freezing to death in a Siberian bunker.Bucky's searching for his past in a Siberian bunker.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fancy_Dragonqueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fancy_Dragonqueen/gifts).



> Title from: Parachute, by AM!R
> 
> Plot prompt:  
> 3\. Bucky leaves Steve after Siberia (he still gets treated in Wakanda but only get frozen for show so that Steve won’t follow him) and gets back there to find more about his past with HYDRA. Instead he finds a sick Tony still in the compound, his suit damaged and he himself too weak to get out. Bucky don’t want to scare him but he sure as hell don’t want to let the man die. They are able to talk and Tony can’t hate the man for being this gentle with him, well he can’t really hate him because he knows that it wasn’t him but HYDRA. 
> 
> hopefully I did a good job!

Bucky felt warm.

It felt like he was lying in a meadow, letting the sun bathe him in its glow.

Bucky felt  _ good. _

He hadn’t felt good in a long time.

His body felt light and airy. His head felt cloudy, but it didn’t feel like a  _ bad _ cloudy. It wasn’t  _ nightmare _ cloudy, but instead a...a  _ good _ cloudy somehow. He couldn’t really put it into words. The feeling of it was just indescribable. Even the Soldier, sitting at the back of Bucky’s mind, seemed to enjoy the softness.

“Sergeant Barnes? Bucky? Can you hear me?”

Bucky didn’t want to wake up. He wanted to stay in the soft, good place.

“You need to wake up now, Sergeant Barnes.”

He supposed there was no use fighting it now, even if the Soldier grumbled at him for it. He was awake, so why delay it any longer?

Bucky opened his eyes.

The dimmed lights were kind to his tired eyes, easing him into wakefulness. A man and a girl stood above him where he lay in a hospital bed.

“T’Challa...Shuri...”

His voice was tired and hoarse. The girl, Shuri, offered him a glass of water, putting a straw to his lips. Bucky drank slow and deep. The water helped to wake his body.

“How...how long was I out?” he asked finally, as Shuri lowered the glass.

T’Challa’s hand on his shoulder was warm and comforting. “Two days.” the King said.

“Two days?” Bucky repeated, shocked. The Soldier in him quailed at that, wanting to distrust the two who stood before him. “But...we said it would be as little time as possible.”

T’Challa nodded. “I know, and you have my apologies.” he insisted with a small bow of his head. “We had planned to bring you out only hours after putting you under, but Steve refused to leave your side.”

God, _ Steve _ ...of course he’d be glued to Bucky’s side. Steve would have refused to lose his best friend again. And hell, Bucky felt the same.

“I finally managed to convince him that locking himself in here with the cryochamber didn’t do anyone any good, least of all himself.” T’Challa explained gently. “He insists that he will visit regularly, but Shuri has some idea on how to keep him in the dark about the reality of the situation.”

Bucky was sure she had plenty of ideas. He’d only talked to her briefly, but it was enough to let him know just how brilliant she was.

*

He rested for an hour, on Shuri’s orders.  _ To recover from the cryosleep, _ the Princess explained.

Bucky was happy to do as she said. It took him a moment to really notice it, but his body still felt sluggish. Shuri gave him some exercises to do (wiggle his toes, roll his ankles, bend his legs in all sorts of ways, touch each finger to his thumb, roll his wrist, bend his elbow, stretch his shoulder, neck and back, mimic her facial expressions) to make sure he remained in control of his motor functions, which helped to ease him into wakefulness.

She offered him a new arm after that. She told him she had done her best with the time she had while he was sleeping, but this version wasn’t much more than an arm.  _ No cool extra shit, _ as she put it. Bucky knew she meant well. He knew that.

But all Bucky had ever used that arm for was creating misery. HYDRA forced it on him and made him use it to hurt people. That arm only meant war. It made him the Soldier. Bucky didn’t want to be at war anymore.

He felt lighter without the arm. He felt less dangerous. Less like a weapon, less like HYDRA’s puppet. He felt like himself. He feared that if he got a new arm, that feeling would disappear again.

He declined her offer.

Instead, she put forward a shoulder brace. As Shuri put it, it would help ease the pain HYDRA’s surgeries had caused him. They had cut and hacked at him, not caring what damage they did to his nervous system. When he was the Soldier, he hadn’t cared about the pain. He had barely felt it then. Now, though...his whole left side burned and ached and stabbed. Over time, it would even help his body heal the scars they left him with.

When she showed it to him, he wasn’t sure how the brace was supposed to fit, really. There wasn’t much left of his shoulder. Little by little, the HYDRA techs had crept the arm further and further up. He had started off with a stump of his upper arm; now it looked like his shoulder had caved in on itself. It was a mess of scars and grafted tissue. Pieces of metal stuck out of his skin here and there, where the arm was intended to connect with his body, fastened securely to his skeleton. Shuri offered him the chance to get it cleaned up a little, remove some of the metal and graft even more tissue to hide the worst of the scars. Bucky gave it a hard no. At least for now. He wasn’t sure he could handle another surgery. Shuri digressed, but made sure he knew the offer would always stand. All he had to do was say the word.

The brace felt kind of like a compression sock when she threaded it onto what was left of his shoulder. It felt... _ tight _ around his body. The grey fabric also covered a big part of his left pec, as well as the mirrored area of his back. Straps went around his torso and over his right shoulder to keep the brace in place.

He had to bite his tongue and squeeze his flesh hand into a fist so tight it almost hurt to stop the Soldier from lashing out at her. As much as he liked her and as grateful as he was to her for doing so much to help him, the memories all this brought to the front of his mind made his skin crawl. All those HYDRA scientists cutting into him. Shuri wasn’t  _ cutting, _ but feeling her at his side working carefully with the brace still brought back the same memories.

Shuri talked softly at him as she worked. She explained every step of the process as it was happening. He had to admit, it was mildly reassuring. He was on edge, but he appreciated that she at least  _ tried _ to make things as easy on him as she could. It was more than any of the scientists had ever done for him.

Once she finally stepped back, Bucky could feel the brace already working. At first, half his body went numb in a weird way. Slowly, it turned into a light tingling. Shuri promised that was only until it got to work  _ ‘for real’. _ Apparently, it had to take a bunch of scans and measurements of his body before it could calibrate properly and function at its optimal capacity.

Bucky was happy he could be without that pain again.

*

“I can’t thank you enough. For everything.” Bucky said.

“There is no need.” T’Challa insisted, waving it off. “It is my honor to help you find your peace, Sergeant Barnes.”

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head to himself. “I told ya a hundred times,  _ Your Majesty. _ Bucky’s just fine.” he said.

The other man laughed as well. “I see your point.”

They watched the horizon. The sun was sinking slowly. It would set soon. Bucky wondered if he could stall for long enough to get a good look at the night-sky before he left. It was the same sky the world over, he knew that, but it was different in Wakanda somehow. There, it felt almost magical. It made his stomach turn and tingle in the best way. He and Steve had watched the stars every night for the few days before Bucky went into the cryochamber.

“You are certain you do not want me to send my Dora Milaje with you?” the King questioned after some moments of silence. “Only one. I cannot imagine that you would want... _ him, _ to roam free. I only mean...in this quest of yours, if he,  _ the Soldier, _ comes again...the Dora Milaje could stop him,  _ you, _ before you did anyone harm.”

Bucky sucked in a deep breath.

T’Challa was probably right. No, he  _ was _ right, no doubt about it. If the Winter Soldier took control, it was impossible to say what would happen. But... Bucky wanted to go alone. He wanted to figure this out on his own. Like T’Challa said, this was  _ his _ quest. His quest, and his alone. He was lying to Steve like this, going behind his back, because if he included Steve in this, even for just a moment, then Steve wouldn’t let it go until he got to come along. Bucky  _ loved _ Steve for that, loved him for his deep need to  _ help, _ but...this was something Steve couldn’t help with, no matter how bad he wanted to.  


Despite it all, the Soldier  _ craved _ a Handler. Someone who could tell him what to do, where to go. Someone to who could be in control. He screamed for even just a woman of the Dora Milaje, because even she could lead him, even though she wouldn’t be HYDRA. Bucky choked that part down, smothered it into silence.

“I’m sure. I need to do this alone.” he explained.

The King nodded. He seemed to understand what Bucky meant by that.

They shook hands.

*

Bucky was really glad that the Wakandan aircrafts were easy to pilot. The first time he laid eyes on the cockpit he had been certain he’d never be able to figure out how to fly the damn thing, least of all with only one arm. Thankfully, Shuri was a great teacher. And pretty much all he had to know was how to land it since the autopilot did the rest of the work anyway.

Sure, he was locked in a big metal can, but flying again still felt so freeing somehow. He could look down at the Earth below and see from horizon to horizon; he could  _ go  _ anywhere, _ do  _ anything, _ be  _ anyone. That was all he’d ever wanted.

_ To be free. _


	2. Chapter 2

“F-Friday? You th-there?”

“I’m still here, boss.”

“Try, try the, um...the beacon. Try a-again. And p-play some tun- tunes. Gettin’, ‘m gettin’ sleepy.”

God, Tony wished the numbness would come back. At least if he was numb, he wasn’t in pain. But now...he was so _ cold.  _ It felt like a thousand needles prickling at every inch of his body. The Suit was too heavy to move on his own when it wasn’t powered and didn’t carry its own weight. It was still wrapped around his body. It felt like there was a pile of cars stacked on him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t move an inch.

Tony almost wished he hadn’t buffed up the armor on this model so much. If it were an earlier model, he could at least drag himself away from the windows. Maybe all the way back inside. He could’ve broken out of the Suit and scavenged it for parts and built an amplifier for the emergency beacon.

He shivered.

“I’m sorry, boss, but the systems are too damaged. If I do more than two things at once, I’m afraid it’ll short out what’s left of the emergency batteries.” Friday said softly. “You have to choose, I’m sorry. You can’t have the heaters, the beacon,  _ and _ the tunes.”

_ Fuck. _ Fucking shit... _ goddamn  _ Captain Assface. He beat the ARC reactor so bad it gave out. It had flickered for a moment, then went dark. He had,  _ not too far from literally, _ broken Tony’s heart. All he had left were the backup batteries, but they weren’t even close to being enough to help him. And  _ forget _ about them getting him home. All he could do was let the beacon transmit the emergency signal and try to stay alive until someone came for him.

“He- Heaters. A-And the bea- beacon.”

“Got it, boss.”

The heaters had been going non-stop. Only about half of them were still functioning. They’d been getting fried one by one for a while now. They weren’t built to be pushed this hard or this long. It was unlikely that those that remained would hold out for much longer.

_ Goddamn Captain Asshat... _

It was all his fault. He’d busted the Suit up real bad. Him and his...his _friend._ And they just _left._ Left Tony there to starve to death, trapped in this second skin he made for himself. Well, he’d probably freeze to death before he starved. The heaters were the only thing keeping him on the right side of hypothermia, and they were failing. Without them, he wouldn’t last a day.

Fuck Steve.

_ Fuck Steve, _ fuck Bucky,  _ fuck Siberia, _ and fuck the world for forgetting he existed and not looking for him. Fuck them all, for not even noticing when he didn’t return from the Siberian bunker.

Maybe it was better if he just died. It wasn’t like anyone was going to miss him.

Tony hated Steve. He hated Steve for all of this, for not getting his head out of his own ass. And they said _Tony_ was the one with the ego! _‘Better in our own hands’?_ How stupid, how naive could Steve be? It wasn’t about whose hands they were in! Tony _hated_ the idea of being controlled just as much as Steve did, but at least Tony was willing to take some _responsibility_ for his fuck ups. All Steve did was act like a petulant _child._ _Steve_ was the one who resorted to violence. Tony had tried to talk to him, tried to _reason_ with him, make him see that the Accords were for the _greater good._

But _ no. _ Steve just couldn’t  _ live _ with the idea that someone else knew best, for once. That  _ for once, _ he wouldn’t get to do things his way.

Tony hated Bucky too.

Well...no. No, he didn’t hate Bucky. He was angry. Not at Bucky, not really. Tony understood that Bucky hadn’t been in control.  _ HYDRA _ had been in control. They had made Bucky their puppet, their plaything. A weapon they could just aim and fire. Tony hated the Winter Soldier, not Bucky. Hell, Tony could even find it in himself to forgive Bucky. Well...there wasn’t really anything that  _ needed _ forgiving. Bucky was innocent in all this.

He didn’t forgive Steve, though, because Steve had  _ lied.  _ There were no two ways about it. He had lied  _ right to Tony’s fucking face, _ about  _ everything. _

Steve’s lies were the reason Tony had tried to fight them. If Steve, or Bucky, had simply told him the truth about the death of his parents, he would’ve reacted better. He wouldn’t have gotten so angry, and been so quick to act, not stopping to think. He had been forced to watch his parents get murdered.  _ How was he supposed to react? _ He had watched the Winter Soldier murder them, then turned around and seen his face.  _ What was he supposed to do? _ He knew, in his right mind, that Bucky was innocent, he hadn’t been in control of his actions, but right then and there, in the moment...all Tony had seen was the man who killed his parents.

Fuck...God, Tony almost wished the cold would just take him already, so he wouldn’t have to think about all this anymore.

And as if it wasn’t bad enough just lying there, seemingly trapped his own body, he had to stare at that ugly fucking shield and that beaten up old arm, its red star almost mocking him.

Tony felt sick to his stomach. Or maybe that was just the starvation making itself known again.

*

He stayed in the cockpit during take-off, just to be sure that it went smoothly. Shuri and T’Challa were there to wave him off. Bucky was sure to shoot an extra smile at Shuri, hoping she saw the gratitude in it. She was a good kid. Bright as hell, no argument there, but  _ good _ too. She almost reminded him of Steve; some sort of unadulterated goodness in every fiber of their being.

He envied them that. Their goodness. Whatever goodness Bucky might’ve had in him, it was carved out a long time ago.

Bucky brought up a map of Siberia on the console just behind the cockpit. It was a little weird to see it like that, as a topographical image made of vibranium dust. He’d worked with holograms before, as the Soldier, but this? It was light-years ahead of that. He was really glad Shuri had given him a quick run-through of the whole ship. It would’ve taken him an eternity to try and figure it all out on his own.

He punched in on the area where the bunker lay hidden. If he was lucky, if it hadn’t snowed all too much, he could probably touch down just on top of it, and minimize his exposure to the cold. He really fucking  _ hated _ the cold.

The soldier sat down in the lounge-like area around the map console. The bunker seemed like a good place to start.

Bucky wasn’t sure what he was looking for, or what he was trying to achieve. He just wanted to know. The time he’d spent in hiding before Steve found him again, he had also spent trying to remember. Piecing together flashes of memories, trying to figure out everything HYDRA had made him do. It was slow, painstaking work, but he had been making progress. Little by little, the memories were coming back.

Once they got to Wakanda, he had realized that...maybe if he asked real nice, T’Challa would be willing to help him. At the end of the turmoil, the King  _ had _ seemed understanding of Bucky’s situation, after all. As soon as he and Bucky got a moment alone, without Steve glued to Bucky’s side, the soldier had inquired and the King had provided, for which Bucky would be forever grateful.

Now with these resources, the ship and the gear, Bucky could maybe track down physical clues to help his memory along. Bucky would have the chance this time, to look closer at the bunker. Perhaps he could find some of these clues there. Any shred of information that could lead him further down this road.

And if no one had done it yet, perhaps he could give those other soldiers some kind of burial. Well, maybe cremation would be easier since the snowy landscapes of Siberia might make it difficult to dig graves for them. Those soldiers were people too. It didn’t matter what HYDRA had turned them into; all that mattered was the fact that they too had become HYDRA’s victims. Bucky knew that better than anyone.

They deserved to be put to rest.

*

He was fading. He could tell. He could feel himself getting weaker. Had felt it since those assholes left him there. The cold, the lack of food and water, it was all sapping his strength. Forget the heaters.  _ Tony _ wouldn’t last long.


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky managed to land less than a hundred feet from the entrance of the bunker. He’d still have to trudge through the snow and the icy winds, but it was better than nothing. He could cover a hundred feet in no time at all.

He bundled up a little extra, though, just to be safe. With double sweaters, long johns under his pants and thermal pants on top of that, scarves and gloves and a big fluffy hat, he would be as warm as could be in Siberia. He grabbed his bag, double checking to make sure it was packed according to plan.

He stood at the ship’s door as if frozen. It would be hard to walk into the bunker again. It just...the memories he had regained, they weren’t good. The bunker would do nothing but drag them all back into focus, into the front of his mind. Now when he was there, so close, he honestly wasn’t sure he was going to be able to handle it. Despite the brace, the thoughts, the memories, made phantom pains ache through his body. God, the memories seemed so fresh, a wound that had barely scabbed over.

Bucky took a deep breath. He left the ship.

*

“C-Cut the be-beacon. Heaters t-too.” Tony said, teeth chattering. “Play m-me some, some music in-instead.”

“Anything particular you’d like to hear, boss?” Friday asked softly.

“Uh...gimme, gimme some...uh, some Van Halen.”

He was going to die here anyway. Might as well go out with an awesome soundtrack.

The music was a little distorted, a little muted, since it was playing from down inside his chest plate, from the backup speakers. He could hear it well enough despite that, and despite the wind roaring outside the windows.

Now he just had to close his eyes and wait for it to happen.

*

His body felt like lead, as he stepped into the bunker.

He was heavy. It was hard to move.

The hallways looked familiar. He had been there before, with Steve, yeah, but...the familiarity felt deeper too. It felt like it ran deeper than just that one visit.

This had been his home for so long. This had been his entire life, for so long.

God, his heart ached, his chest clenched.

He couldn’t imagine how many times they had woken him up and put him back to sleep, in this place. How many times they had sent him out on missions, sent him out to maim and kill and steal. The Soldier in him wanted to search for his handlers. He wanted to sit down and wait for them to come back for him,  _ to _ him. His left side seemed to weigh him down.

The tears were pouring down his face before he even really realized he felt like crying.

_ Wait, _ was there... _ music _ playing?

Bucky froze, the Soldier raised his guard. Music? Why would there be music here? There...There wasn’t supposed to be anyone here. Who was here? Oh, the Solder did  _ not _ like this. He was putting all kinds of thoughts in Bucky’s head, none of them good.

Bucky was so glad he had decided to bring some guns. He hugged the closest wall, wiping the tears from his face with his scarf. No one needed to see that. He got a hold of the Scorpion sub-machine gun hanging over his shoulder. If HYDRA was here...God knows what he’d do to them, what he’d do to  _ escape _ them,  _ if _ he could keep the Soldier from running right into their open arms.

He moved towards the music.

*

“Please stay awake, Mister Stark. Please don’t fall asleep.”

“It’s inevitable, Fri. Why delay the inevitable?”

The shivering had stopped again.

His body felt like a block of ice.

It was hard to think straight. His brain was all...snowy. Everything was kind of...whited out, and blurry, and unfocused. He just wanted to rest for a bit.

“Turn up the music some more.”

He could feel the vibrations of the sound move through his body, as Friday turned up the volume for him. God, that felt good. His aching body needed that.

“But you’re a genius, boss! You built an Iron Man suit in a cave in the desert, with a box of scraps!” Friday insisted. “You can figure this out!”

“No, Friday. It’s...It’s over.”

She was quiet. The music thrummed through his body.

“Please don’t leave me, Tony. I wouldn’t have a purpose without you. I wouldn’t exist without you.”

He let out a soft breath.

He opened his eyes and stared up at the concrete ceiling.

“People will come here soon enough, Fri. They’ll find my body. They’ll power up the Suit computers and try to figure out what happened to me. And you’ll be there. You’ll tell ‘em...tell ‘em all about me. Tell ‘em how I clung to life for fucking  _ days _ , but...realized the futility of this fight and decided to surrender.”

“The man who made me would never surrender.”

Tony scoffed.

“I think that man died a long time ago.”

*

Bucky recognized where the music was leading him.

It was...the room where he and Steve had fought Stark. Why was there music coming out of there?

He reached the door. He leaned carefully around the corner, looking into the room.

_ Stark? _

Stark was still there?

Why was Stark there? Bucky didn’t understand. He was...still in that Suit. The broken one, the one he had worn when they fought. The light that had once shone in his chest, had gone out. Snow had blown in through the opening, and piled up against the side of his body that faced the windows.

Was he... _ trapped? _ That was the only explanation Bucky could think of, as to why Stark would still be there. Why he hadn’t moved an inch from where they had left him.

And Christ...Steve’s shield was still on the ground, as well as Bucky’s old arm. Both had almost completely been covered in snow by then.

“Don’t worry, Friday. I’ll die, then...you can go into hibernation mode. Just...wait for someone to find us. Eventually.”

_ Die? _

Stark was dying? Why was Stark dying? Bucky didn’t understand at all. What happened? All he remembered from after the fight was...Stark laying there on the floor, seemingly struggling to breathe right, shouting after them that Steve had no right to hold that shield. Then Steve was helping Bucky out of the bunker, leaving Stark behind. But that was, what? Closer to a week ago than not? Why hadn’t Stark left yet?

“And I mean, even if I keep trying, the backup batteries aren’t gonna last much longer. Without the batteries, there're no heaters. Without the heaters...well, there’s no  _ me. _ I’m sorry, Fri. There’s nothing I can do. Trust me, I’ve run all the scenarios in my head. There’s literally  _ nothing _ I can do. I can’t move my body as long as I’m stuck in the Suit, and I can’t get out of the Suit without moving my body. It’s over.”

_ “The hell it is.” _

Bucky ran into the room almost before the whispered words had left his mouth, the Soldier screaming at him about what a terrible fucking idea this was. He jumped off the ledge, ignoring the ladder, and took off in a run again as he hit the ground. He dropped his weapon, letting it dangle at his side from its strap, and shrugged off his backpack. In no time at all, he was on his knees beside Stark, looking down at his still bloodied face.

Stark’s eyes went wide with shock; his face twisted into a look of fear and horror, as though he was scared of Bucky. He tried to move, tried to wriggle his body to somehow shuffle and move away from Bucky, but it was no use; he was completely stuck where he was. So instead, his eyes went wet, and the tears started pouring, panicked little whines leaving him with every exhale.

_ “Calm down! _ You need to calm down!” Bucky tried to tell him. “I’m not gonna hurt you! _ I’m here to help! Just breathe!” _

Stark still hyperventilated, shaking his head frantically at Bucky. He looked completely and utterly terrified.

Bucky grabbed him by his chin, stilling his head. Stark’s eyes widened even more.

Then they fell closed, and his neck went limp, face slipping from Bucky’s hand.

He was unconscious.

It had to be the conditions; the malnourishment, the hypothermia. He couldn’t be in good shape.

“Sergeant Barnes? Is that you? I can’t see you, but I believe I recognize your voice.”

Who was that? Bucky could recall that Steve had mentioned, Stark had some kind of AI in his Suits, a computer program that he could talk to and that could talk back. This had to be it, the AI.

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s Barnes.” he said, then, just to be certain, he asked: “Are you...an AI?”

“Yes, I am.” the voice replied. “I know you and Mister Stark fought before, but... _ please. _ Help him. He’s dying, and he wouldn’t let me help any more. He said he shouldn’t try to avoid the inevitable any longer.”

_ “Shit...” _ Bucky swore to himself. “Wh-What do I do? Can I get him outta the Suit?”

“Yes, I believe so, with your enhanced strength.” the AI said. “After the ARC reactor died, the Suit went into lockdown. You’ll have to break it open by force.”

Bucky nodded. “Got it. Tell me what to do.”

His fingers throbbed in the cold almost as soon as he removed his glove, but it couldn’t be helped; he needed the dexterity to work on the Suit. Even the Soldier shuddered at the cold seeping into Bucky’s body.

Shit, now he almost wished he’d taken that new arm.

Either way, the AI was right; even with his flesh and blood hand he could break off lesser pieces without much effort. Some, he had to use his knife to pry loose before ripping them off. He started with the chest plate and worked his way out from there. It was arduous work, but little by little, he could strip the armor from Stark’s body.

Even with the Suit to protect him, Stark’s clothes had ripped here and there, exposing his skin. Bucky could see mean bruises staining his body.  _ Fuck, _ he and Steve had really done a number on this guy.

As he removed the Suit, Bucky tried his best to protect Stark from the cold. He wrapped both of his scarves around the man’s neck, then got the hat on his head, and his one and only glove onto the man’s hand. He carefully covered him with his jacket as well. The man shivered, even while unconscious, but at least he wasn’t completely exposed. It was the best Bucky could do, at the moment. He had to stop to check Stark’s pulse several times; just to be safe. Even with his shivers, Bucky just had to be certain that he was still alive.

Once he got as far as to the waist of the Suit, Bucky got up. He wrapped his arm around Stark’s torso as best he could, under the man’s arms, and dragged the rest of him out of the Suit.  _ Shit, _ he was freezing. He didn’t exactly smell like a bunch of fresh daisies either, but that was a secondary concern at the moment. Bucky threw the man over his shoulder, then grabbed his backpack, and moved back toward the ship.

*

Bucky got Stark down on one of the couches in the lounge area of the ship. He left him only for a few short moments, to raid the very small medbay a deck below the cockpit and the lounge. He grabbed as much as he could carry. Shock blankets, IV-bags, the first aid kit.

When he got back, Bucky used his knife to cut away Stark’s clothes, focusing very hard on the task to avoid listening to the Soldier telling him to just bury the blade in Stark’s chest and end the issue. The clothes were wet and cold, the snow having seeped through the cracks of the Suit. Stark wouldn’t get better any time soon if he was still in those clothes, nudity be damned. Bucky couldn’t give less of a shit at the moment. He stuck the IV in Stark’s right arm, which was the one that looked least beat up. He popped the hot packs he found in the kit, feeling them grow warm in his hands, and wrapped them up in one of the blankets. He rested the bundle on Stark’s chest, wrapping his arms loosely around it, then used the rest of the blankets to tuck the man in on the couch.

The soldier sat down further up on the couch from Stark. He just...needed a moment. Just a minute, to process what the hell just happened.

Bucky wasn’t sure what to do now. What was he supposed to do when Stark woke up, or when he recovered? Stark hated him, and was, as evidenced, terrified of him too. He supposed he could just sort of...tie him down? Make him listen while Bucky explained that he had no intention of hurting him? That he really just wanted to help? Or no, that was probably not a good idea, even though it was a lot better than any suggestion the Soldier put forth.

If Stark already didn’t like him, then maybe tying Stark up wouldn’t exactly help sway his opinions. Bucky supposed he would just have to... _ talk. _ And hope Stark listened.

And after that?

Bucky wasn’t so sure that he should be going back to the States; even if it was just to drop Stark off somewhere close to home. If anyone saw him, there’d be one hell of a ruckus. And probably even more so, if they saw the ship. Then again, the ship was already cloaked, so that was probably not an issue.

Christ...Bucky’s head hurt.

The Soldier was pushing for control. Bucky was fighting him, but it was hard. It felt like there were two different people in his head; Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier. While they were separate, they were also the same somehow. He was one, he was both, and at times, he felt like neither. Everything was just so...jumbled and messy. It was hard to make sense of things. Hell, half the time he couldn’t even understand his own thoughts.

How the hell was he supposed to make Stark understand?


	4. Chapter 4

Tony opened his eyes.

He stared up at...wait. What? Barnes?

_ “Don’t move.” _ Barnes said sharply.

Tony’s heart raced.

He couldn’t move, his body was still trapped, Barnes’ face was three inches from him and he looked angry as hell.

Tony hissed and flinched, a short stab of pain ringing through his face.

Barnes scowled at him.

“I said,  _ don’t move.” _ Barnes reminded. “’M tryin’ to put some fuckin’ stitches in this damn cut, so  _ stay still.” _

_ What? _

He was... He was stitching Tony up? But wasn’t he still in the bunker?

Tony looked around as best he could without moving his head. What was this place? This definitely wasn’t the bunker. He was...wrapped up in blankets, and there was something kind of warm on his chest, spreading its heat through his body. And he was laying on something soft. Where was he? How did he end up here?

He remembered, being in the bunker. Trapped in the Suit. Talking to Friday. Then there was another voice. Everything was sort of fuzzy. Tony supposed that that would be the malnourishment and the hypothermia wreaking havoc on his head.

Why had Barnes come back? Was Steve somewhere around here too?  _ Fuck, _ Tony wasn’t sure he’d be able to be in the same room as Steve. Not without trying his damnedest to beat the guy to death.

“There.” Barnes said.

He tied a knot on the thread he was using on Tony’s face, fumbling with it a little since he was only using one hand, and snipped off the remainder. Tony waited still, though, to allow Barnes to stick a big band-aid over the cut as well.

“Try not to move a lot.” he added as he got up from the couch Tony realized they were on. “Your left arm’s pretty fucked, so I gotta wrap that thing up. And you got some cuts on your legs too. I should have a look at ‘em, just to be safe. One of ‘em looked pretty bad.”

Tony nodded slowly. He was so confused. But...at least Barnes didn’t seem like he was going to fight him again. Well, not right this second anyway, and that was something, he supposed.

The man’s flesh hand touched Tony’s face, resting on his forehead for a few seconds.  _ Wait,  _ it was his  _ only _ hand. Right...Tony remembered, he sort of...chopped the other one off.

“Your body temp’s gone up a bit. Gotta change the hot packs in a minute, and I’ll see if I can find you some clothes. Then I’ll...get you somethin’ to eat. Must be starvin’.  _ Literally.” _

As if on cue, Tony’s stomach churned almost painfully. Barnes snorted at the noise.

“Maybe I’ll get the food first.”

*

Tony ate slowly.

Don’t get him wrong, he was hungry as hell and would happily have wolfed his food down in half a minute if he could. But every time he tried to eat faster, Barnes grunted at him and furrowed his brows in a threatening way. Tony didn’t even realize a brow-furrowing could be threatening until the first time Barnes did it.

“Eat too fast, you’ll throw it up.” Barnes said after the third grunt-and-brow-furrow combination. “I don’t wanna clean that up.”

The genius hummed. “I think you’re thinking about dogs.” he said. “Dogs do that.”

Barnes rolled his eyes and got up. “If you throw up, you’re cleaning it up.” he said. “Eat. I’ll see if I can find some clothes ‘round this thing.”

He watched Barnes leave the room.

Tony exhaled the breath he had been holding as the door shut behind him, sinking back into the couch.

His head was spinning. What the hell was happening? Why was Barnes,  _ Bucky, _ he saved Tony’s life, maybe he deserved a little familiarity, why was  _ Bucky _ doing this? Why did he save Tony at all? What was he even doing back at the bunker?

What kind of sick  _ game _ was this? Nursing Tony back to health like this, only to kill him later? Why couldn’t he just  _ do it, _ and get it over with?


	5. Chapter 5

Stark made Bucky’s whole body ache.

Looking at him was like looking at his mother, where she sat in that car wreck, bleeding and crying and begging. Bucky could almost feel her throat in his hand.

And then...then it felt like punching metal; hitting a metal body, hoping to hurt the man inside it.

It was revolting. Bucky’s stomach turned. He made himself sick just thinking about how he’d acted. About all the things he had done to Tony. The pride was the worst part. Part of him, the Soldier, was  _ proud _ of those memories. A successful mission, and a battle won. He wanted to throw up, the sick sense of pride and victory made him fucking nauseous. 

He wanted to apologize. He wanted to say how sorry he was. He doubted Tony would hear him, would give him the slightest chance to speak. And hell, Bucky didn’t deserve it.

Bucky found a bedroom that looked kind of... _ kingly. _ He raided the closet; most of the clothes were pretty fancy and like something, y’know, a  _ King _ would wear, but he found some more plain stuff in one of the drawers. He hoped T’Challa wouldn’t mind that they borrowed a few things.

He took a seat on the bed after depositing the clothes in the en suite bathroom. He just needed a minute. A few moments to choke the Soldier back down and shut that part of his brain up. He stared at the bottle of pills Shuri had given him. She said they’d help quiet things in his head, if it got to be too much. They’d help him stay in control. They wouldn’t last long, not with his metabolism, but they would help for a little while. He’d have to remember to take them often.

Antipsychotics, antidepressants, anti-anxiety, painkillers, muscle relaxants, dopamine enhancers, adrenaline suppressors, the list continued on. Bucky could hardly remember them all. All he knew, was that it was one hell of a fucking cocktail in each little white pill. He took two, swallowing them dry.

“Done?” Bucky asked as he came back into the lounge.

Tony,  _ Stark, _ it was just Stark,  _ don’t get friendly, _ Stark would rip him a new one for that,  _ Stark _ stared at him for a moment with wide eyes.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m done.” the man replied.

Bucky sat down next to him on the couch. “Gimme your left arm.”

Stark fumbled with his blankets. It was obvious he was trying to keep himself as covered as possible, while still complying. Finally, he could offer his left arm out, wincing slightly at just that. It looked bad; the skin was discolored, blue and purple bruises all along his forearm, stretching all the way out to his hand. It was combined with spots of red and a strange yellow-ish hue. It did not look pleasant.

Bucky took Stark’s arm carefully in his hand. Stark hissed at the touch but didn’t say a word. He was still cold, but his temperature had definitely gone up, which was a hell of a relief. Stark hissed again, as Bucky gently examined him but it couldn’t be helped. Bucky had to know the extent of the injury before he could do anything to treat it. At least it only seemed like a bad sprain, and nothing broken.

They were quiet, as Bucky wrapped the arm in bandages (with some help from Stark himself). Or they were quiet, up until Bucky secured the wrap with a pair of clip locks.

“Why d’you save me?”

Bucky inhaled a sharp breath. He swallowed nervously. His jaw clenched. His fingers twitched minutely.

“Because...because why wouldn’t I?” he managed to produce in response at least.

The engineer’s eyes widened. He seemed shocked. Why was he shocked? Did...did he think Bucky would have left him there, knowing Stark would be trapped? If Bucky had known, in the moment of the fight, that Stark would be trapped in the bunker, he never would have left. Bucky might have fought Stark, but it had only been in self-defense. He had never wanted to hurt Stark, much less kill him.

Bucky got up. “C’mon. Try to stand. There’s a shower a deck down. I was guessin’ you wanted to clean up before you got dressed, so I left the clothes there.”

“Y-Yeah.” Stark stammered.

He clutched his blankets, his feet emerging from the bundle of fabric. They touched the floor carefully, as he shuffled forward to the edge of the couch. Bucky was ready to catch him if need be. He had to be pretty weak still.

As expected, as soon as Stark tried to weigh on his legs and stand, they folded under him.

Bucky was there. He easily caught Stark, arm around the man’s midsection. Stark groaned in pain; pressure on the bruises covering parts of his torso becoming painful. Bucky leaned down and scooped the small man up to carry him over his shoulder.

“Uh...this is weird.” the man mumbled. “Sorry.”

Bucky shook his head at that. “’S fine.”

*

“Uh...so how’re we doin’ this bit?” Stark asked.

They stood in front of the shower.  _ Fuck.  _ Stark couldn’t stand, and there wasn’t exactly anywhere to sit in the glass cubicle of the shower, other than the floor. Of course, Stark could sit on the floor, but that seemed inconvenient. He wouldn’t be able to reach the showerhead, the nozzles or any of the products lined up on a small shelf on the wall.

_ Shit. _

The soldier put Stark down on the closed toilet. The genius looked up at him, still confused. The confusion turned to shock when Bucky kicked off his shoes and removed his pants, as well as the long johns he still had on under them, leaving him in his shirt and boxers. He had no want for showing Stark neither his scars nor the brace.

Stark was certainly bright enough to understand where this was going. Bucky could see his face and ears start going slightly red, the tinge spreading slowly down his neck as well. He was sure to turn his head away, as Stark dropped the blankets. When Stark held his left arm out, Bucky took the hint. He allowed Stark to rest the arm over the soldier’s shoulders and wrapped his own arm around Stark’s body. He helped the man to stand, carrying most of his weight.

They shuffled into the shower together. Bucky kept his eyes up high. Stark seemed about as eager as Bucky, to get this over with as fast as possible, so he did his business quickly. Though, Bucky could see, out of the corner of his eye, Stark smiling to himself as he stood under the warm spray of water. Happy to be alive, Bucky supposed.

The ship’s intercom buzzed loudly.  _ “Weather alert.” _ an automated voice told them.

Shit...this was one hell of a day.

It had to be a snowstorm rolling in. All they could hope for was that they would be able to take off before it hit and get well out of dodge.

After the man toweled off, Bucky had to help him dress. With the wrap around his hand, gripping things with his left was difficult. At least Bucky only had to help him thread his feet into the boxers before Stark could get them on the rest of the way by himself with his right hand, and the most awkward part of things was done. After that, the rest of the clothes weren’t too terrible.

*

As soon as they stepped out on the main deck, Bucky could see the snowstorm rage, outside the windows of the cockpit.  _ Fucking hell _ ...so, they were stuck here now, until the storm passed.

“Does that mean we’re not goin’ anywhere?” Stark asked as Bucky set him down on the couch again.

Bucky sighed, moving up to the cockpit. “Looks like it.” he said.

He tapped at the screens and the instruments. He managed to find some kind of satellite weather map. As it loaded, he took a moment to wish really, really hard for the storm to be a small one. But  _ of course, _ it was fucking huge. And it was strong. Yes, Bucky was a good pilot, he could probably figure a way through it, but not without doing some real damage to the ship. Given everything T’Challa had done for him already, Bucky didn’t want to hand a wrecked ship back to the guy.

“We’re gonna have to wait it out.” he told Stark. “Lucky this thing’s stocked up with plenty of food and drinking water, so we should be good for a decent while. But goin’ by the satellite images, I’d say it’ll last a day or two, so I guess it ain’t as bad as it could be.”

Stark hummed behind him. Bucky took a seat in the pilot’s chair. He watched the snow whip past the windows.

“You need to get the Suit.”

Bucky swivelled the chair around to fix his eyes on Stark. “What?”

But Stark wasn’t looking at him. He was bundled up in all his blankets again, trying to retain heat, eyes glued to the floor. He looked upset. Bucky hoped he didn’t mind too much, that he had to break the Suit to pieces. Bucky really hadn’t had much of a choice in the matter. Ripping the Suit to pieces was the only way to get Stark out.

“You- We-...I  _ can’t _ leave the Suit here.” Stark insisted. “If someone gets their hands on it, they’ll try to replicate it. People’ve been  _ trying _ since I built the first one. All that does, is  _ get people hurt. _ I...I’d do it myself, but I’m obviously not strong enough. If you leave the Suit here...whatever blood is spilled because of it, is on  _ your _ hands.  _ Not mine.” _

Bucky took a deep breath. The Soldier, as well as Bucky’s whole mind, was still a little muted from those pills, but Bucky could sense the Soldier’s displeasure.

He got up.

“I’ll be back soon. Keep resting.”


	6. Chapter 6

_ Because why wouldn’t I? _

What the hell did that mean?

Tony felt so confused. He curled up on the couch, hugging a pillow to his chest with his good arm.

Why wouldn’t he save Tony?

Well...because he wanted Tony dead. Right? That was what he wanted, wasn’t it? Tony wasn’t sure what other reason there could be.

He supposed that, maybe, it was just...his humanity. Seeing a fellow human in peril, and feeling a desperate need to help them. But it couldn’t be that easy, could it? Even if he wasn’t planning to kill Tony, he probably wanted something from the engineer and would use this as some kind of leverage over him.

Tony would not allow it. He had been pressured, been leveraged, before. He refused to let it happen again.

And what the hell was all this...this coddling about? All the caring for Tony; taking care of his injuries, giving him food, helping him shower, finding him clothes and even helping him get dressed? Literally carrying him around, when he was too weak to walk?

Yeah, maybe...maybe it felt a little good to be cared for like that. Maybe it would’ve felt even better if he wasn’t waiting for the other shoe to drop and his caretaker to kill him.

To be honest, though...Bucky didn’t look at him like he was planning on killing him. And yeah, maybe Bucky was just really good at hiding his intentions, or Tony was too weird in the head still, to notice anything untoward. Either way, despite how grumpy Bucky seemed, he didn’t seem homicidal. At times he almost appeared apologetic. Like he felt bad for Tony, and for what part he had played in putting Tony in his current condition.

Maybe he was sorry. Tony had been in the wrong; he had acted out, lashed out at Bucky, and Bucky had defended himself. Maybe he didn’t want to kill Tony. Even in the fight, he had never tried to land a killing blow, and now...now he was doing his damnedest to take care of Tony.

He was too tired for this. Tony piled up some pillows under his head and pulled the blankets tighter around himself. He tried to sleep.

*

A bag sat on the floor by the ladder. Bucky had emptied it out on the ship and brought it along into the bunker, with the hope that what remained of the Suit would fit in it.

He moved slowly around the room. Even before the storm, the snow had been piling up. But now that it raged on outside, the piles were quickly growing. He searched as best he could. He dug around in the freezing cold, hissing as snow managed to slip into his gloves and sleeves, and down into his boots. He hated the cold. Even the Soldier, starting to cut through the medically induced fog, seemed to dislike the cold.

But Stark had made it obvious that he wouldn’t leave without the Suit. And after what he said about blood spilled...Bucky couldn’t argue.

He hoped Stark didn’t hate him. Of course, he had every right to hate Bucky, but still, he hoped.

Steve had told him about Stark. About what he was like before this whole mess got started. Stark was unendingly intelligent it would seem and funny to boot, as well as caring and generous. Despite his bristles, as Steve called it, Stark was a good person. Bucky wished he could know him. He wished their every interaction wasn’t as electrically charged with awkwardness. He had to smile, though. Stark and Shuri would probably get on like a house on fire.

Bucky kicked something solid hidden under the snow, stumbling for a moment. Another piece of the Suit, he hoped. He hurried over to the bag and deposited the pieces he was already carrying, before falling on his knees beside the drift to dig into it.

The shield?

It seemed heavy in his hands.

He kept digging. The old arm wasn’t far away.

It was strange to hold it. This thing that had once been a part of him. It looked so alien like this; cold and lifeless, just a broken, useless relic. Just like the man himself. The Soldier seemed confused for a moment, as he stared at the silvery hand. It was as though he couldn’t quite put it together that the arm was no longer connected to his body. It was...an  _ odd _ sensation. Bucky could swear he felt a tingle in his left arm, like a feather sliding slowly over his skin. If he had had skin there.

He grabbed the bag and moved back to the ship, dragging the lower half of the Suit by one of its feet.

He brought the shield.

He left the arm.


	7. Chapter 7

Tony woke up to the sound of metal scraping.

He sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and looked around. Bucky sat on the floor. He had a bag next to him and broken pieces of the Suit in his hands. He was glaring at the metal. Finally, he put on of the pieces down on the floor. What was he doing? There were more pieces laid out neatly on the floor before him, along with the still fully assembled legs of the Suit, as though he was trying to make some kind of pattern with them.

“What’re you doin’?” Tony asked.

Bucky turned his head to look at Tony. “Hey. Didn’t notice you woke up.” he said lowly. “Uh...the place was covered in snow, so I dunno if I got all the pieces. Thought I’d try to reconstruct the thing. See if I’m missin’ any parts.”

“Oh.”

“You wanna help out?” Bucky asked, giving Tony a tentative smile. “You’re the expert, right?”

Tony found himself returning the smile.

Bucky got up. He shuffled over to where Tony sat, giving him an expectant look. Tony’s head was at a standstill for a moment and he wasn’t sure why. Oh,  _ right, _ yeah...

He tried to stand. He could feel his knees trembling as he transferred his weight to his feet. His thighs ached in a weird way. It felt like he hadn’t used his legs in years. He was scared he’d fall again. He didn’t want to fall. Not now. He could finally stand on his own! He didn’t want to go backward. Bucky’s presence at his side kind of...made him feel a little better? He wasn’t sure why, it just... _ did. _

Bucky watched him with hopeful eyes, a tint of pride overcoming him too as Tony’s legs didn’t immediately fold. Even still, he kept his hand at Tony’s back, ready to catch him if they did give out under him.

As if on cue, the trembles overtook Tony’s legs. His knees caved and folded. He had barely realized it was happening until he was already being held up by Bucky. His right arm was around Tony’s back and Tony’s left had been wrapped around Bucky’s shoulders. He didn’t pick Tony up again but helped him walk instead. He carried just enough of Tony’s weight for Tony to feel like he was doing most of the work on his own.

Tony was lowered slowly to the floor. Bucky didn’t let go of him until he was safely sitting down, no longer at risk of falling. He fussed over Tony for a moment. He grabbed at the blankets and wrapped them around the engineer, making sure he was properly bundled up.

“How do you feel?” Bucky asked. “Need anythin’? You should eat again soon.”

Tony shook his head. “I’m...good. For now.”

Bucky gave a curt nod. “So...the Suit.”

The engineer cleared his throat and turned his eyes to the broken mess that lay before them. Hm, Bucky had done a decent job. Of the pieces he had laid out, close to the majority of them were in their right place, if Tony was reading the shape right. 

His hand shook slightly as he reached out. He chose one of the misplaced pieces and moved it to its rightful place. Bucky watched quietly. He grabbed the bag. He moved it to sit between himself and Tony, so Tony could reach into it. Tony started with the misplaced parts. He knew the Suits better than he knew anything else in the world. Bucky’s mistakes might as well have been blasted with spotlights, Tony could see them so easily. He only used his right hand. The injured left, he kept held against his chest, allowing it to rest.

The Suit was like a puzzle. Tony could see the complete image in his head as he moved pieces around.

Looking at it like this...he felt weak. He felt as broken as the Suit looked. He’d lost everything, hadn’t he? He had tried so hard. He just...wanted to do the right thing. Protect people. Save the world. Be a good person. And he had failed.

A drop of water hit his fingers. Was he...

He was crying. He clutched a mangled piece of red metal and the tears poured down his face. God, what a mess he was...

He snivelled, wiping the back of his hand across one of his cheeks. Bucky was watching him with wide eyes. It looked like he was trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to do in this situation.

“I’m sorry, it’s just... _ I fucking tried.” _ Tony said, hoping to spare Bucky the trouble. “I tried, y’know? I mean, I tried to do things the right way. Do right by people. And Steve just-”

He stopped himself. Probably shouldn’t shit on his saviour’s best friend. Bucky could still change his mind and wring Tony’s throat. He took a deep breath instead and dried his tears again.

“Sorry. You...you probably don’t wanna hear that.” he continued, finally setting the piece of metal he had clutched in his hand into its right place. “Me talkin’ shit about your... _ BFF, _ or whatever.”

But Bucky let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head to himself. “No. Not really. But...you’re allowed to have your opinion. And I’m not gonna say Steve’s perfect, ‘cause I know he’s not. I mean,  _ no one is.” _

Tony saw him reach his hand out. It looked as though he was going to rest it on Tony’s back, but...he hesitated. He stopped for a moment; he almost pulled his hand back, but seemed to be stricken by a bout of bravery, as Tony could feel the warm hand on his back not a second later.

“If you...wanna  _ talk _ about it...you can. We’re stuck together anyway, right? At least ‘til this storm blows over.” Bucky said, nodding towards the cockpit and the snow beating against the windows. “You got anythin’ else to talk about?”

Tony looked at Bucky. Bucky looked back at him, with soft eyes and a kind smile.

Now was the time to do it, wasn’t it? To tell Bucky how sorry Tony was. Not just for what happened between  _ them, _ but to Bucky in general. All the shit with HYDRA and all they made him do, having his life and his mind stolen from him...Tony couldn’t even begin to imagine wha-

The hand on his back moved up to rest on the back of his neck, then there were a set of lips on his.


	8. Chapter 8

He was kissing Stark.

He was kissing Tony.

_ Stark. Tony. Tony Stark. _

Bucky was kissing Tony.

He just....Tony just looked at him with those big dark eyes and he looked  _ so sad, _ and it somehow just cut Bucky so deep to see him like that. It just made him want to do anything he could to take that sad look away and make sure it never came back again.

Maybe kissing him wasn’t a good idea. Tony  _ hated _ him!  _ At best, _ kissing Tony would earn Bucky a punch in the nose.

This was a really nice kiss. Bucky’s first in a real long time. It was chaste and innocent, just lips against lips and nothing more. But it was  _ nice.  _ And it turned the Soldier into one big,  _ quiet _ questionmark, so that was a big plus. It was nice, and soft, and gentle, and a little prickly because of Tony’s facial hair. But despite how nice Bucky thought it was, Tony seemed frozen solid with shock.

So Bucky removed himself. He pulled back slowly and opened his eyes to gauge Tony’s reaction.

*

Bucky just kissed him.

Why did Bucky just kiss him?

Tony wasn’t exactly arguing with it, Bucky was a handsome guy and it was a pretty nice kiss, but Tony’s head was just at a total standstill. Bucky kissed him.

Bucky kissed him, and then he stopped kissing him, but it was a really nice kiss and Tony wasn’t sure he wanted it to be over. He honestly wasn’t sure  _ what _ he wanted. 

He opened his eyes. Bucky was watching him again. They were barely an inch apart, but Bucky’s eyes were fixed on him.

“You can punch me now if you want.” the soldier said in a low voice.

“What?”

Tony was...so confused. First of all, why did Bucky kiss him? Second, why was Bucky literally asking to get punched? This was just... _ very confusing. _

“Because...I kissed you?” Bucky said, as if to clarify. “I mean, you don’t look very happy about it. And I didn’t exactly ask?”

“Oh. Uh...”

Tony did  _ not _ know what to say.

“Sorry. You looked...sad. And I didn’t know what to do.”

“So you kissed me?”

“I guess? I wanted you to stop being sad.”

_ “So you kissed me?” _

“I can see where my logic is flawed, but...did it work?”

“Well, I’m not crying anymore, so I guess yeah, it worked.”

“That’s...good. Good. That’s good.”

Bucky pulled back finally. He cleared his throat. He ran his hand through his hair. He got up.

“I’ll get ya somethin’ to eat.”

Tony watched him leave.

*

The doors slid closed behind Bucky as he entered the kitchen. He deflated, leaning back against the wall beside the doors.

Christ, what an idiot he was...

_ What was he thinking?! _ Kissing Stark! What kind of idiot was he? Yeah, Stark didn’t punch him so that was maybe a small win, but he didn’t exactly look  _ happy _ about getting his face sucked either! Why did Bucky think kissing Stark would be a good idea?

Bucky wasn’t sure what came over him. One minute they were just talking, then Stark was crying and Bucky’s heart clenched in sympathy, then he was suddenly mashing face with Stark.

Uch...the Soldier revelled in Bucky’s misery. Bucky swallowed two more pills and that sure shut the Soldier up.

It was fine.  _ It was fine! _ Bucky would get some food together, then he’d go back up there and he’d apologize for real and try to explain himself; then they’d wait out the storm in silence, Bucky would fly Stark home, and that would be the end of it. No need to think about it ever again. No need to dwell on it. It was a stupid, idiotic mistake, a total miscalculation on Bucky’s part, and he took full responsibility for it, and he’d tell Stark as much, and throw himself on Stark’s mercy and accept whatever punishment Stark thought he deserved for such a stupid mistake.


	9. Chapter 9

Bucky’s heart jumped into his throat when he shuffled back onto the main deck of the ship.

Stark was splayed out on the floor next to the Suit. His eyes were closed, he wasn’t moving.

_ “Stark!” _

The soldier quickly set the tray of food down on the floor, just barely managing to stop himself from throwing it aside when the panic struck. He ran to Stark’s side. God, this felt familiar. He grabbed Stark by the shoulder to shake him, leaning in close over him to see if he could hear breathing.

Stark opened his eyes. He grabbed at Bucky’s shirt, tugging him closer still. And then  _ he _ was kissing  _ Bucky. _

What?

It was just as chaste as the first, but...more determinate, somehow. Stark leaned into it and Bucky tried to do the same despite his shock. It only lasted for a handful of seconds, before Bucky felt pressure on his chest from where Stark was pushing him back. The soldier withdrew, though mildly reluctantly. It was a  _ really _ nice kiss.

They stared at each other.

“If you’re gonna punch me, please be gentle, ‘cause I’m pretty sure you could smash my skull if you wanted to.”

“I-I-I-I...”

Bucky could  _ feel _ how red his face was turning.

_ “Now _ you’re speechless?” Tony asked, grinning up at him. “If you’re not gonna talk then, y’know, feel free to kiss me again, because it was pretty damn enjoyable and I’d love to do it some more.”

“B-B-But... _ you hate me!” _

Tony grimaced with confusion.  _ “What?” _

He closed his eyes, shook his head, and took a deep breath, all as if to collect himself.

_ “Okay. _ Here’s what we’re gonna do, Buckaroo,” the engineer said, patting Bucky’s chest. “You’re gonna help me back up on the couch, I’m gonna eat because I’m fucking starving, and we’re gonna have a conversation.”

That sounded like a good plan. Bucky liked that plan.

He scooped Tony up over his shoulder, almost running over to the couch. He set the man down as gently as he could on the cushions. Bucky wrapped the blankets around him again and moved all the pillows closer, piling them up behind Tony so he could lean back comfortably and made a stack of pillows on his left side where he could rest his bad arm. He ran over to where he had left the tray and swiftly returned with it, depositing it carefully in Tony’s lap. He sat down a respectable distance away, then waited.

_ “Okay, _ I’m gonna need you to  _ calm down.” _ Tony said, while picking up the fork. “I’m not made of glass.”

Bucky frowned. Tony sighed.

“Okay, well, uh...I guess I can...go first.”

The engineer cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. For...everything. I mean, for everything that happened to you and everything that went down between  _ us. _ That fight...it wasn’t about you.”

He stared down at his food, pushing things around on his plate with the fork. Bucky waited. He didn’t want to interrupt.

“I just...I wasn’t mad at  _ you. _ Not...really. I was mad at the Winter Soldier. And at Steve. For lying, and...for hiding things from me. I just saw that video and then Steve said he knew about it, then...I reacted badly. I got mad and...acted without thinking. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t’ve...tried to take my anger out on you. And...I’m sorry for that. Shit, I’m sorry you got dragged into this whole fuckin’ mess at all.”

Tony didn’t look up from his food even  _ once _ as he talked. As soon as he had said his piece, he stabbed his fork into a few clumps of the omelette Bucky had thrown together and chewed slowly, as if to keep himself from talking any more.

Bucky took a breath. That was... _ a lot _ to take in.

Tony wasn’t mad at  _ him. _ Tony didn’t hate  _ him. _ He hadn’t meant to act the way he had. He was even sorry for all those things he had had no control over.

The relief Bucky felt was...God, it was  _ unimaginable. _ He just couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He  _ did _ believe it, of course, but  _ still, _ it felt so strange and impossible! He hadn’t imagined something like this could happen.

He took a deep breath. He supposed it was time for  _ him _ to say his piece.

“If I’d known you’d be... _ trapped _ in the bunker, in the Suit...I  _ never _ woulda left. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt  _ anyone. _ After Steve broke HYDRA’s programming...I hid. I was scared. Still am. I’ve got all these memories of...doing  _ horrible _ things. I was scared of myself. Of what I’d do to people if they got too close. And I just...I  _ know _ what you’re gonna say, that it wasn’t my fault and I wasn’t in control, but I need to say it.  _ I’m sorry. _ I’m sorry for taking your family away from you. And...I’m sorry for being a part of what caused this mess.”

*

The engineer exhaled slowly, having stopped eating not long after Bucky started talking.

This was...it was hard to listen to. Then again, he supposed that it was probably a lot harder for Bucky to say it. He didn’t know what to say in response.

Bucky was sorry. Bucky wouldn’t have left if he’d known Tony would be trapped. Bucky didn’t want to have any part in any of what happened, Zemo having dragged him into it kicking and screaming. Bucky just wanted to be left alone, to figure his shit out on his own. He didn’t want to hurt anyone.

“Why’d you kiss me?”

Tony’s mouth had posed the question before his brain gave it permission.

“Why’d  _ you _ kiss  _ me?” _ Bucky countered.

“Because...it was a pretty nice kiss.”

At the corner of his eye, he could see Bucky nodding slowly. He was picking at a loose string in the seam of his jeans, something to keep his restless fingers occupied.

“I think I did it ‘cause...I’m broken. And...I saw the  _ broken _ in you too. And it...was a nice feelin’. To know that there’s someone who’s...the same as you. Y’know? Does...does that make sense?”

It did. It made a lot of sense.

Whole people understood whole people; broken people understood broken people. The whole couldn’t understand the broken, the broken couldn’t understand the whole. Tony had learned that the hard way, through a whole lot of failed relationships. Hell, it was why he and Pepper never worked out. No matter how broken she got, she’d always be too whole to understand his broken self. He didn’t fault her for that. He could never ask her to break herself for him.

Maybe Bucky had it right. Maybe they were both broken enough to understand each other.

“I don’t...I dunno if  _ this, _ you and me, could happen.” Tony said, despite it all. “There’s a war. We’re on different sides.”

“This ain’t a war. I only remember half the wars I’ve seen but I remember ‘nough to know that ain’t a war.” Bucky said. Talking about his memories made his voice stagger. “Don’t know what it is, but it ain’t a war.”

“Steve-“

_ “Fuck Steve!” _

Tony stared at Bucky, eyes wide, as the man sighed.

“Don’t get me wrong. I love the guy to death, he’s my brother. But...I’m done bein’ controlled. No one else gets to make my choices for me. Not anymore. Not even him. He can think what he wants about it but it ain’t gonna stop me. I...I wanna give it, this, _ us, _ a shot. I haven’t had a good thing in my life in a damn long time and there ain’t no way in  _ hell _ I’m gonna pass up a chance at somethin’ that could be a hell of a lot better than just  _ good. _ That’s my choice and I made it. Now...you gotta make your choice. I guess.”

Tony’s heart pounded hard and fast.

He wasn’t sure what he was feeling.

Bucky was right, wasn’t he?

It would be better to give it a shot than not, right? It might be good, might be  _ amazing, _ or it could turn to shit. But...they deserved  _ a chance, _ didn’t they? Tony wasn’t in love with Bucky and he was pretty sure Bucky wasn’t in love with him either, but there was something there. Tony could feel it. It was a tiny little something, sparked by an unplanned kiss, that could maybe grow into love if they gave it that one chance.


	10. Chapter 10

Bucky watched, confused, as Tony started eating again. The engineer shovelled the food into his mouth as fast as he could, almost forgetting to chew. He emptied the plate in only a handful of moments then chugged his glass of water just as quickly. He tried to move the tray from his lap on his own, but stopped when his bandaged hand couldn’t quite grip it right. Though Bucky didn’t understand what Tony was trying to do, he wanted to help. He took the tray and set it away on the low side-table.

As soon as he let go of the tray, Tony grabbed at the front of his shirt. He tugged on Bucky, pulling the man to himself.

Again, they kissed.

This kiss was different from the others. The others had been careful and timid, shy and uncertain. This was far from uncertain. Tony seemed to be trying to press all of his being into it, his lips parting ever so slightly to allow his tongue to touch against Bucky’s own lips. He was begging Bucky to open up for him, to let him in, and not only in the physical sense.

Bucky opened up, Bucky let him in.

Tony made a low, pleased noise as Bucky allowed the kiss to deepen. Bucky’s whole body tingled. God, this felt good. He almost shivered with how bubbly his skin felt.

*

Holy shit, Bucky’s mouth felt amazing against Tony’s. He was all soft lips and perfect tongue, and  _ damn, _ if he didn’t know how to use them. The way he seemed to melt into the kiss made Tony let out something close to a moan.

He clutched at Bucky’s shirt, pulling him closer still as well as leaning into him. He sank back on the couch, tugging the soldier with him. He landed on his back, on soft, plush cushions, and Bucky tumbled after. He lay between Tony’s legs, having spread around him, but somehow avoided resting any of his weight on Tony’s bruised body. Honestly, it was a pretty sweet gesture, but given how this kiss was going, it was starting to become a bit of an annoyance to feel nothing beside Bucky’s mouth on him. He wanted to feel  _ more _ of him.

He threw his bandaged left over Bucky’s shoulder and grabbed at his side with the other hand, trying to pull him in again. It made his arm ache a little but he really didn’t care at the moment. Tony wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist as well, managing to get him off balance enough to collapse onto Tony.  _ Oh, fuck, _ that felt good, a big, hard, muscled body pressed against his, their mouths working perfectly together, Tony moaned and Bucky  _ finally _ got the fucking hint.

The soldier ground his body down against Tony’s, but withdrew from the kiss. Tony wanted to complain like hell  _ but _ he pretty much forgot how to think at all, when Bucky first groaned in his ear, then started mouthing at his neck. Christ, Tony was barely hard and he was still almost ready to cum just from how Bucky sounded and felt. He felt Bucky against his hip when the soldier’s body slid against him. He was hard too, hard and long and big,  _ wow, very big. _ Tony moaned again.

Bucky let out a soft grunt and stopped. Tony tried to grind against his leg,  _ Jesus, he was almost there. _ The soldier wrigled free. He pulled away, shuffling down the couch until he could sit without touching Tony. The engineer watched, confused; Bucky sighed, running his hand through his long hair and rubbing at his eyes.

“Uh, did you...? ‘Cause it’s okay if you did, I mean, and honestly I take it as a compliment.” Tony said, sitting up as well.

“What? You askin’ if I came?” Bucky asked, brows furrowed.

Tony shrugged. “Yeah? Did you?”

“No?”

“Okay. Then what is it?”

Bucky sighed. He leaned back. He looked...wow, he looked good. His jeans bulged in an incredibly interesting way, his lips were pink and kiss-swollen, the hard expanse of his chest heaved slightly as he caught his breath. Bucky looked upset more than anything. Tony decided to put the pants-brain in the back-seat. Bucky was more important than Tony’s boner.

“He’s in my head.” the soldier said lowly. “The other guy. The Winter Soldier.”

Tony sat up. He hugged a pillow to his chest and hoped his pants-brain would calm down soon enough.

“He doesn’t like you.” Bucky continued. “He thinks you’re the enemy. And he...wants to hurt you.”

The engineer nodded. “But you don’t?”

_ “No! _ Of course I don’t!”

“Then what’s the issue? You’re the boss, not him.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then explain.” Tony said, offering up a smile as gentle as he could muster. “I mean, don’t mean to toot my own horn here but I’m a pretty smart guy. Talk to me.”

Bucky sighed again. His eyes fell closed.

“We’re fightin’. All the time. For control.  _ I _ don’t wanna hurt you. If we’re, y’know,  _ in the middle of things _ and I lose control?  _ He’ll kill you.” _

*

Tony had been so warm and soft and  _ willing _ under him. Bucky had fallen head first into it. He couldn’t keep going no matter how badly he wanted to, though.

He had felt the Soldier stirring in his head, inching forward to the edge that divided them, waiting for Bucky to fully lose himself in Tony. He had been waiting for his chance to take control. The chance to shove Bucky aside and assume power. Bucky had managed to stop him this time. Would he be able to do it again?

He wasn’t sure and he wasn’t going to risk Tony’s life like that. He wouldn’t risk  _ anyone’s _ life that way.

Tony untangled himself from his blankets. He shuffled closer, to sit at Bucky’s side.

“Can I try something?” he asked. “Just to try it. I’ll stop whenever you want me to. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t wanna.”

He was smiling. A small, gentle thing, that softened all his features. Maybe it was just Bucky’s imagination, but he could swear that Tony’s face was telling him that the man only wanted to be good to him. Tony really wanted to be with him, even after everything? Even when half of Bucky’s brain wanted to kill him?

“You...really want me?” he asked. “I’m all...old and broken and fucked up. You really want that?”

The engineer shrugged. “I’m old, broken, and fucked up too. If anything, we’re a perfect match.”

Bucky couldn’t help himself from chuckling. Yeah, he supposed Tony had a point there. Who better for Bucky than someone who was so much like him?

“I guess you can...try.” Bucky said. “Promise me you’ll stop right away?”

Tony nodded. “You say  _ stop, _ I stop.” he said. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do, Bucky.”

Bucky knew that. He knew everything was his choice now. He had his free will now. It was still nice to hear it, though. To have someone tell him so, like it was a  _ fact. _

He leaned toward Tony again and placed a soft kiss on his lips. He just wanted to show his appreciation somehow. Thank Tony for being understanding and for his patience. Tony’s smile was a mile wide as they parted again.

“What d’you want me to do?” Bucky asked.

He followed Tony’s gentle orders; he spread his arm out along the back of the couch, grabbing onto it tightly. Tony said he would do all the work and let Bucky focus on remaining in control.

The man sidled closer. He pressed himself to Bucky’s side.

His left hand felt a little odd as it pet Bucky’s hair. The bandages were rough and just a little scratchy. He didn’t really mind, though. Not when Tony’s other hand was on his thigh and that clever mouth was on his neck.

“Just breathe.” Tony told him between the slow kisses he pressed to Bucky’s neck. “You’re in control.”

He squeezed and kneaded the inside of Bucky’s thigh, almost massaging it.

“You have the power.”

*

His hand moved up, slipping under the soldier’s shirt, to feel over his hard, tight abs. He was tense under Tony’s touch. His breathing was getting ragged. His chest was just as chiselled, the strength almost dripping from every pore.

Tony nipped at his earlobe, moaning into his ear. Bucky let out the most delightful gasp at that.

He got the soldier’s jeans undone. His hand slipped inside, between the denim and his boxers. God, he was so hard in Tony’s hand. He was leaking too, precum making his boxers damp. Tony gripped him carefully. He saw the material of the couch buckle under the soldier’s hand he was squeezing it so hard.

“He can’t control you anymore.” Tony whispered.

His awkward left hand fisted in Bucky’s hair, tugging only slightly. And God, what a noise Bucky made... a broken, whining moan, hips rolling up into Tony’s hand.

“I’m right here with you.” Tony continued.

He withdrew from Bucky’s pants, but only for the purpose of shoving them down and pulling his boxers down too. He freed the soldier’s cock and took it gently in hand.

“I’ll take care of you.” he said. “He can’t hurt  _ me, _ he can’t hurt  _ you, _ he can’t hurt  _ anyone.” _

Bucky moaned again as Tony stroked him.

“I trust you.”

Tony let go of Bucky’s hair. He moved a little on the couch, finding a comfortable position, then he took the soldier into his mouth. His lips closed around the head, letting his tongue graze along the slit. Bucky almost shouted. Tony tasted bitterness and a salty tang. He sank onto Bucky’s cock, taking it in slowly and made sure to suck hard and hollow his cheeks as he pulled off again. Tony hadn’t done this in a long while. Bucky seemed to enjoy it though, despite how out of practice Tony was. He was all but falling apart under Tony’s careful movements.

He gagged as the head slipped too deep into his throat. He pulled off quickly, clutching at Bucky’s thigh as he coughed and hacked. The soldier pet his back.

“You okay?” he asked, breathless.

Tony nodded. He wiped the dripping spit off his chin with the back of his hand. “Thought I told you where to put that hand,” he said, grinning, as he sat up again.

Bucky seemed almost blissed out when Tony could finally look at him again. He grinned like a loon, looking debauched as hell with his hair tousled and his clothes all rucked up to reveal pale skin. Bucky got his hand back to its place on the couch.

Tony straddled his legs. He fumbled with the button and fly on his own pants but after a moment, he could finally push them and his boxers down to his thighs. He spit into his hand, wrapping it around his and Bucky’s cocks together. Bucky stared at him like he was made of magic, gasping and moaning. Tony leaned into him, laying his free arm around Bucky to hold him close.

“I’m here. You won’t hurt me, it’s okay.” he whispered. “I’ve got you, I got you.”

The soldier nodded. He caught Tony’s lips again, kissing him with all he had. Tony stroked them slowly, as well as rutting into his fist and against Bucky. Christ, it was good. Electricity tingled in Tony’s entire body. He was no longer freezing cold; in fact, he was  _ boiling, _ melting against Bucky. It was incredible

Bucky’s arm wrapped around him. Tony found himself on his back again, Bucky on top of him, enveloping him, bleeding lust into the kiss. Bucky thrust against him, fucking into Tony’s tight fist. The engineer whined with pleasure. He tried to stroke them in time with Bucky’s thrusts but it was difficult. There wasn’t much of a pattern to them, Bucky just  _ went _ and didn’t stop.

“I trust you.” Tony said again, mumbling into the searing hot touch of the soldier’s lips. “I trust you, I trust you.”

Bucky’s hand appeared in Tony’s hair, fingers tangling and tugging on the dark strands. His thumb stroked gently along the lines of Tony’s forehead. Tony was coming before he knew it, dribbling cum over their fingers and onto his belly. Bucky kissed the noise out of him. He swallowed up Tony’s moans as he kept grinding against him. He was almost there too, Tony could sense it.

“You’re James Buchanan Barnes.” Tony told him. “You’re a man, not a weapon. They can’t hurt you anymore.”

The soldier groaned, hips stuttering in his thrusts, as he came. The cum spurted over Tony’s torso, staining his shirt and weeping onto his fingers too.

They didn’t move. They breathed, deep and heavy, but didn’t move yet. It felt like this amazing feeling of electricity buzzing through Tony’s body would stay for as long as he didn’t move a single inch. Bucky pressed kisses to Tony’s face, showering him in lazy, afterglow affection. After a moment, though, the soldier pulled back, looking down at Tony with amazement in his eyes.

Tony had to smile. People didn’t look at him like that. Sure, they were amazed at the Suit and the ARC reactor and all his fame and money, but...Bucky’s amazement was something different. He was amazed by  _ Tony, _ and nothing but Tony.

The engineer brought his fingers to his mouth. He lapped the mess of cum from them, tasting them together.

“You are...so fucking beautiful right now.” Bucky said.

*

They showered together again.

It was comfortably quiet between them. Bucky helped Tony wash off, gently scrubbing his body with a washcloth. They stood under the spray of warm water and held each other. Bucky still wore his shirt. He made Tony cover his eyes as he changed to a dry one afterwards.

They laid down in the big bed in the room attached to the bathroom. It was...awkward. Tony wasn’t sure what to do. Should they cuddle? Would it just be more awkward if they did? Bucky didn’t seem like a cuddler. Tony wasn’t really either, he supposed. His willingness to cuddle usually depended on whether his bedmate wanted to or not. Should they talk? It felt sort of like they should. They had talked a little, then kind of just jumped right to the sex, and now they were in bed and the future felt very uncertain.

They had  _ kind of _ decided to be in a relationship but how was that supposed to work? Tony would have to go home. Bucky was still on the run with Steve. It didn’t feel like the most stable start to a relationship.

Bucky snored softly. He grunted and shuffled under the covers, throwing his arm over Tony and tugging him in to a close cuddle.

Tony smiled.

They’d figure it out.


	11. Chapter 11

“We should be able to take off soon. The storm’s moving east instead of northwest, so we’ll be on its edge in about two hours. If the visibility’s better there and the winds are a lil’ lighter, it shouldn’t be too hard to get outta here.”

“Sounds good. Where are we going?”

“I...kinda figured you’d wanna go home.”

The pilot’s chair swivelled around. Bucky looked at Tony, who was on the floor with the Suit, and Tony looked back at him.

“Guess maybe I should.” Tony said, turning his eyes to the Suit again.

It looked like it was pretty much all there. Bucky did a good job finding the whole thing. Tony would have to have to run through it properly once he got the final few pieces laid out

“They’re probably missin’ you.” Bucky said.

Tony had to scoff.  _ “Yeah, right. _ No one came looking for me. Stands to reason...no one noticed I was gone.”

“Tony...”

He could hear Bucky get up. He shuffled over and sat down beside Tony. The engineer picked a piece out of the bag, analysing it for a moment before putting it along the Suits right shoulder.

“They know you can handle yourself.” Bucky said. “They...probably just thought you’d gone off on your own for a while. Y’know, to...gather your thoughts? They’ll feel terrible when you tell ‘em what happened.”

Tony scoffed. “You crazy? I’m not gonna tell  _ anyone.” _

Bucky frowned. His hand appeared on Tony’s shoulder, making him turn to look at the soldier.

_ “What? _ You have to tell people. They woulda still been worried, even if they know you can take care of yourself. You were gone for almost a week without a word! If I were them, I’d be goin’ crazy lookin’ for ya!”

*

The engineer sighed. “Yeah. So why make ‘em feel even shittier?” He said. “I’ll come back, I’ll tell ‘em I took a few days off, found a beach, caught some rays. They’ll be mad for a while, ‘cause I dropped off the map and shit, but... _ they _ won’t hate themselves for leaving me.”

If he told them, it wouldn’t do any good. It would just upset everyone and make them feel bad. They’d never forgive themselves, he knew that. He was upset but not vindictive. Bucky was right; if anyone had known he was trapped in the bunker, they would be there to help as fast as they could. They didn’t know, and he didn’t blame them. How were they supposed to have known? Why create more misery?

It would be fine. He could call home and tell people he took a few days off, licking his wounds in solitude, then face the music when he got back.

“Can you keep a secret?”

*

Tony looked at him, brows furrowed in confusion. “I can when it counts.”

Bucky chuckled. He bumped shoulders with the engineer, making him smile too. 

“This one counts a lot.” Bucky said. “You ever heard of Wakanda?”

*

The take-off was a little bumpy. The winds were lighter there at the edge of the storm but they were still enough to rattle the ship. Bucky managed to maneuvered them through it, though. He broke through the ceiling of dark clouds to calmer skies. He pinpointed Wakanda for the autopilot then handed over the controls.

Tony had fallen asleep on the couch again, Bucky realized as he got up from the pilot’s seat. Bucky could sympathize with that. It was likely that Tony would be pretty drained for another while, until his body fully recovered. The soldier tucked him in.

He gathered up the pieces of the Suit, packing them away in the bag. Tony had given him the all clear before take-off, after checking the Suit and making sure Bucky had gathered all the parts. He set the bag away beside the couch and propped up the legs next to it as well.

He sat down on the couch. He was sure to sit far away enough that he didn’t disturb Tony. The guy deserved a good rest. Hm, the Soldier liked this situation. Tony asleep, unable to defend himself. The Soldier wanted to take the opportunity and get rid of him. Bucky reminded himself to breathe slow and deep, control himself, push back against the urge to act. He swallowed another few pills. He didn’t want to hurt Tony. He didn’t want to hurt anyone.

Bucky hoped T’Challa wouldn’t be upset that he brought another outsider back with him. T’Challa was a reasonable man, though, Bucky had learned that. He’d hear Bucky out. He’d at least be open to an explanation.

It was selfish of Bucky. His reasons were selfish. 

He didn’t want Tony to go home yet. Tony  _ liked _ him. Tony seemed to accept him, flaws and all. And...yeah, Bucky knew Steve accepted him, Natasha and T’Challa and Shuri and Sam and the few others he had met in Wakanda accepted him too. He  _ knew _ that. It felt different with Tony, though. It didn’t feel like Tony pitied him. All the others did. They might not mean to, but Bucky could see it in their eyes when they looked at him.

He just...was afraid that if they left here, left Siberia, left this sort of magic bubble that had been created in that ship in no time at all, then everything would change somehow. Maybe it was an unrealistic fear. Maybe it was just the constant paranoia that had been drilled into the Soldier that was playing tricks on Bucky’s mind.

He was scared nothing would work. Him and Tony, a relationship between them...it was probably impossible. Tony had to go home and Bucky couldn’t come with him. Bucky didn’t know how this was supposed to be anything other than a pipe dream.

And yet, he wanted it to work. He wanted so desperately for it to work. He wanted to have a good thing. This one single good thing. That wasn’t asking for too much, was it?

Carefully, he lay down beside Tony on the narrow couch, wrapping himself around the other man. Tony huffed in his sleep and curled in closer to Bucky.

No, he wasn’t asking for much at all.


	12. Chapter 12

“Tower, this is Barnes, coming in for a landing.”

“We see you, Sergeant Barnes. Look for the flashing lights on the ground. They will guide you to your landing zone.”

“Copy that, Tower. Any chance you could have a couple medics ready to meet me?”

“Of course. Are you injured, Sergeant? Can you describe your injuries?”

“Not me. Kinda long story but I got Tony Stark ridin’ with me. He’s sufferin’ from malnutrition, dehydration, and frostbite, but I treated that all as best I could. He’s got a bad sprain on his left wrist, a couple dented ribs, some bad cuts. Did what I could with him but a doctor should take a look at him just to be safe.”

The woman in the tower hesitated for a moment.

“Copy, Sergeant. I will have a team in standby. I will notify His Majesty of your return as well.”  


“Sounds good. Barnes, out.”

*

Bucky smiled as they disembarked the ship, Tony supported mostly by Bucky, and saw T’Challa and Shuri awaiting them, along with the requested medics.

“Y’know, I can walk on my own now.” the engineer said.

“But ya shouldn’t.” Bucky countered. “You’ve got a ways left to go with that recovery.”

The medics hurried up with a gurney, which Bucky carefully deposited Tony onto. They made to leave with him but were stopped when Tony grabbed at Bucky’s arm. He caught Bucky’s eyes, looking up at him as though to plead.

“Watch the Suit.”

Bucky offered his most gentle smile and pet the man’s hand. “I’ll take care of it. No one’s goin’ anywhere near it long as I’m around.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Tony nodded. He let go of Bucky, allowing the medics to cart him away.

Bucky turned to T’Challa.  _ “I’m sorry. _ I wasn’t sure where to bring him. Needed a doctor and I didn’t wanna risk goin’ anywhere unknown. If anyone saw us...”

The King raised his hand, a placating gesture. Bucky silenced. “It is alright. You did what you thought was the best course of action. I cannot fault you for wanting to help another.” he said.

That was a relief. Bucky knew T’Challa was a reasonable guy, but he also had to protect his country from the outside world. Bucky was sure Tony could keep a secret when asked but he was still an uninvited outsider.

“You were not gone for long.” the King added.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. Got to the bunker and...Stark was still there. I’da gotten him outta there even sooner but a storm hit so we had to wait around for a while.” he explained. “Thinkin’ about goin’ back out after we figure shit out with Stark.”

*

He was back in Shuri’s lab.

She questioned him heavily about the brace, all to make sure it was functioning as intended. He was sure to give her his honest thoughts about it, explaining that while it did alleviate his pain it at times felt restrictive, the straps and clasps becoming somewhat of an obstacle. In return, she assured him that she would keep that in mind as she designed a new version for him.

Bucky also thanked her deeply for the pills she had given him. He asked if she could make the effects last longer. She admitted it would be difficult to do so, given his metabolism, but she wasn’t one to back down from this type of challenge.

And with that done, he was free to go.

He gravitated towards the medbay. He wanted to see how Tony was doing. He didn’t want to bother, though, or get in the way. The doctors probably didn’t want an audience watching their every move. He turned on a heel, pacing the palace halls instead.

He couldn’t leave the palace either. Not only because he wanted to be close by if Tony needed him, but also because T’Challa said Steve was still in the city. Apparently he had declined a room in the palace, instead preferring to stay in the city and explore around for a while. Still, he was there to visit decoy-Bucky in the cryochamber every day at five o’clock, sharp.

He stayed in his room. It was the safest best. If Tony wanted his company, he’s ask for Bucky. His room was far away from where they kept the cryochamber too, so it was unlikely that Steve would stumble in.

Bucky stood on the balcony.

It was quiet there. He was high above the bustle of the city. Its constant noise was no more than a soft humming. It was a relaxing white-noise. It was loud enough to drown out the Soldier but quiet enough that it didn’t drown out Bucky himself. The sun had almost fully set and still the city hummed. And he thought New York was the city that never slept...

Tony would probably be in the medbay overnight. No reason for Bucky to sit around and wait. Might as well go to bed. He undressed, managing to undo the clasps on the brace by himself, and slipped in under the airy sheets.


	13. Chapter 13

Bucky woke up when the door opened.

He didn’t move, he didn’t open his eyes. He acted as though nothing was the matter.

“Bucky?” Tony whispered softly into the dark room.

The soldier pulled the covers up to hide the left half of his torso, but sat up. He leaned over to the nightstand, flicking on the bedside lamp. He squinted with tired eyes at Tony standing in the door.

“Tony? What’re you doin’ here?” he asked, a little gruff in the voice from his sleep.

The engineer stepped into the room finally, the door closing behind him. “The doctors sent me to bed but I...”

He hesitated for a moment.

“I didn’t wanna be alone again.”

Bucky sure understood that. It was rare as hell that he actually  _ wanted _ to be alone too. Being alone after all he’d been through...most times it felt like a fate worse than death.

“You can...stay here.” he said, seeing the relief flood over Tony’s face. “But you have to turn around.”

Bucky clutched the sheet, keeping it in place over his left side, as he got out of bed. Tony looked confused for a moment, but seemed to make the connection after a second. He turned away quickly.

The soldier dropped the sheet. He snatched the brace up off the floor. He threaded it over the hollow where his shoulder should have been, doing his best to get it into place. Shit, Shuri had walked him through doing it on his own but doing it  _ now _ as opposed to in her lab felt a whole hell of a lot different. The fabric folded and wrinkled in weird ways, and he couldn’t get it to flatten out over his back in the right way. The straps were hard to do up; trying to get the two end together with only one hand was a complex procedure.

“Everythin’ okay?” Tony asked.

“It’s  _ fine.” _ Bucky said, more biting than intended.

“Y’know, the first time I upgraded the ARC reactor, my assistant had to shove her whole hand into the gaping hole in my chest.” Tony continued, ignoring Bucky’s harsh reply. “It was...scary. And weird. And it saved my life. Couldn’t have done on my own. Literally. She had to get a wire out without lettin’ it touch the walls of the metal cylinder that housed the reactor and that wasn’t somethin’ I could do by myself.”

“This story goin’ somewhere?” Bucky bit again.

God, these fucking straps, he’d have to tell Shuri to figure out a better way to fasten this thing.

“Yeah. I had to ask for help. And...as much as I hate asking for help, it was the right thing to do. I woulda died if I tried to do it on my own.”

Bucky stopped. His eyes fell closed. He let out a tired sigh.

“You tryin’ to tell me I should ask for help?” he questioned.

“Sometimes  _ not _ asking for help is the worst thing you can do.” the engineer said. “Learned that the hard way.”

The soldier took a slow, deep breath. He didn’t want this. Tony would ask. But at least if he got the brace on, Tony wouldn’t get a chance to look at it.

_ “Fine. _ Will you...help me?”

He opened his eyes as he heard Tony move. The man shuffled across the dimly lit room to stand beside Bucky. He didn’t question what the brace was for, or why Bucky wanted to put it on so badly. He just grabbed the straps and closed all the clasps.

“There you go.” Tony said softly as he closed the last one.

Bucky didn’t look at him in the eye. Tony didn’t seem to mind. He picked up the discarded sheet from the ground. He took Bucky’s hand and moved towards the bed, tugging the soldier along. They climbed into bed. Bucky lay down as comfortably as he could. Tony turned out the bedside light then curled up against Bucky’s right side. Bucky wrapped his arm around him.

“Thanks for letting me sleep here.”

“Thanks for not...asking about my arm.”

He felt Tony let out a soft breath against his chest.

“I’ve learned by now that it’s good to talk about  _ stuff. _ But...if you’re not ready, then I’m not gonna push for it. And I mean, it doesn’t even have to be  _ me _ that you talk to, but when you feel like you’re ready, you  _ can _ talk to me. And you can talk to Steve, I guess. Or find a professional. Took me a long while to get ready enough to talk to someone. So...whenever you’re ready.”

Bucky’s insides warmed. He could swear it was with a feeling of affection. It felt good to not be pushed to talk, but even better to know that he  _ could _ talk to Tony. If he needed to.

He held Tony a little tighter. Tony seemed perfectly alright with that.


	14. Chapter 14

It was only dawn when Tony woke up. He could see the edge of the sunrise through the open balcony doors.

Sometime during the night they had moved around in bed. Bucky lay on his side, having become the little spoon. Tony wrapped around him and buried his face in the soldier’s hair.

This was nice. Tony liked this. Tony liked Bucky. Bucky was nice and sweet and funny, and kind and caring. Soft, even after everything he’d been through. Even after all those horrible things that would’ve hardened the hearts of lesser men.

He wished they could stay like this. Calm, quiet, undisturbed; not bothered by their past nor their future.

Bucky groaned, beginning to stir.

“Hey.” Tony said softly. “G’mornin’.”

“Hey...” Bucky replied. “What time is it?”

“Dawn.” the engineer said, letting his hands spread out over Bucky’s chest to feel his warm body. “But I think we can stay in bed for a while longer.”

“Ey, scooch over.” the soldier grunted.

Tony did as he was asked, letting go of Bucky and shuffling aside in the big bed. Bucky rolled over onto his other side, to look at him.

They stayed like that then. Not moving. Only looking at each other.

It was pleasant. It was calm and quiet. The sound of their breathing. The city still bustling despite the early hour. He wished things could stay this calm.

“D’you...really think this is gonna work?”

Tony was a little caught off guard by the question. “What d’you mean?”

“I just...everythin’s a mess. I can’t go back to the US, you can’t stay here. You’re...who you are and I am who I am, y’know? Everythin’s just all crazy.” Bucky tried to explain. “How’s a relationship like this ever gonna work out, huh?”

The engineer sucked in a slow breath. He was right. Bucky was very right. Tony knew that.

“I know. You’re right. I...keep thinkin’ the same thing.” he said. “But...when I said yes to this thing, it was ‘cause you were right then too. This  _ could _ be good. Or it  _ could _ turn to shit. I just figure....we both deserve a chance at somethin’ good. And I mean, it’s the age of technology! Long distance relationships are a thing of the future, my friend.”

Bucky snorted at him. “Ever the optimist, huh?”

Tony shrugged. “I try.”

“Hm. I like that.”

The soldier’s eyes crawled down Tony’s body, taking him in. He took a slow, deep breath, and nodded at the engineer.

“Okay. Okay. Alright. We’ll make it work. We’ll try.”

Tony smiled.

That still sounded funny.  _ We, _ as in reference to Tony Stark and Bucky Barnes. That wasn’t a  _ we _ Tony had ever expected to be a part of. What were they? Boyfriends? Partners?  _ Lovers? _ They all sounded too...something. He couldn’t put his finger on it. They’d get to that point, he was quite confident, but they weren’t there yet. Things were too new still.

Tony ran his fingers along Bucky’s jaw. He’d wondered what it would feel like. It was a soft line, but it was all covered in a stubble, so he had been uncertain. He was happy to report that it was just as soft as he had hoped.

His finger found their way to Bucky’s lips. They were just as soft as Tony remembered, back from their little... _ thing _ on the ship.

“Y’know, I wouldn’t mind it if you kissed me again.” he said, grinning.

Bucky’s smile widened. “Oh, really?”

“Yeah.”

“Is that so?”

“Yup.”

“What if I don’t feel like it?”

“What you fail to understand, Barnes, is that I’m not above begging.”

“Hm...can I hear some of that then?”

“What, the begging?”

“Yeah.”

“Please.”

“Not sure what your definition of  _ begging _ is, but that sure didn’t sound like beggin’ to my ears.”

Tony’s breaths came in shaking and shivering.

_ “Please?” _

“You’re gettin’ warmer.”

“Please kiss me, please.  _ Please. _ I...I want you to kis- kiss me again.”

Bucky grabbed Tony’s hand, the engineers fingers still on his lips. He took two into his mouth. Tony’s breath shivered again. He stared at where Bucky’s lips wrapped around his fingers. The soldier’s tongue slid against the pad of his fingers.

“Tha- That’s n-not what I was askin’ for.” Tony said, despite that.

Bucky pulled Tony’s fingers out of his mouth. He guided his hand down, in under the thin sheets. Tony gasped out a soft little moan when he felt Bucky’s boxers against his fingers, guiding him to feel over a swelling erection.

“That more to your likin’?” the soldier asked, smirking.

But Tony shook his head.

“Good. Still not what I asked for, though.”

“Is that so? Then, care to remind me what it was you  _ were _ askin’ for?”

Tony swallowed. His throat was all dry and scratchy.

“Kiss. A kiss.  _ Kiss me.” _

In no time at all, Bucky was on top of him and his lips pressed to Tony’s. Desperately, he clung to Bucky’s body, hard muscles tense under his hands. They kissed slowly, languidly, drawing it out into eternity.  _ God, _ Bucky was a  _ really _ good kisser. Tony moaned as their bodies moved together, the line of Bucky’s hard cock sliding against Tony’s. They needed to be naked, like, ten minutes ago. Tony tried to pull and tug on his shirt. It was hard with Bucky on top of him, weighing perfectly on his whole body. Thankfully, Bucky seemed to understand what Tony was trying to do. He broke the kiss and moved off Tony, who sat up quickly.

He got his shirt off and the sweatpants and underwear the doctors had given him, tossing them aside. He threw the drawer of the nightstand open to search for lube, or something similar enough to it.

“Look at that! Lube and condoms, right next to the Bible! Y’know, I  _ really _ like the style of this place.”

He grabbed the bottle of lube and rolled back over to Bucky. Wait, where’d Bucky go?

He stood beside the bed, eyes turned away from where Tony lay. No matter, easier for Tony to suck him off like that. The man’s cock throbbed in his boxers, absolutely appetizing, a small wet spot growing over the head from the leaking precum.

“We’re not havin’ sex.” Bucky said.

Tony laughed light-heartedly. “Yeah, and that’s a damn shame, don’tcha think?”

Bucky swallowed dryly. “He’ll hurt you.”

A small smile poured onto Tony’s lips. He crawled over to kneel before the soldier. He took Bucky’s hand in his, pressing a soft kiss to it.

“If you don’t wanna have sex, or...havin’ sex makes it hard for you to stay in control, then...well, we won’t have sex. It’s no big deal!” Tony decided, smiling up at the other man. “’Cause yeah, sure, sex is fun and all, but y’know what’s better?  _ Consent. _ Consent is sexy. And if you don’t consent, then there’ll be absolutely no sex whatsoever. I mean, I’ll probably have to jerk off to get rid of this hard-on but that’s inconsequential. No need for you to get all involved, y’know.”

Bucky didn’t look at him. He seemed almost ashamed, like he was a disgrace because he couldn’t control himself.

“It’s okay, Bucky.” Tony said, squeezing the man’s hand. “You’ll get there. We’ll get there. Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal. Okay?”

The soldier nodded. “I’m...gonna take a shower.”

Tony was sure to press another kiss to the man’s hand before releasing it. Bucky at least gave him an  _ attempt _ at a smile, before shuffling into the bathroom. The engineer watched the door close behind the soldier. He exhaled a slow breath.

He was glad Bucky at least spoke up before they got any further. The last thing Tony wanted was for Bucky to do  _ anything _ he wasn’t comfortable with. And he didn’t want Bucky to feel pressured to do  _ stuff _ either. He hoped Bucky understood that Tony was telling the truth when he said it wasn’t a big deal. Sex was fun and good, but Tony cared more about his partner’s comfort and health than he did about getting his rocks off.

He slumped back down onto the pillows with a sigh. He wasn’t lying; he kind of  _ really _ needed to jerk off, too. Fuck...while his head-brain was all okay with not having sex, the pants-brain really just wanted to get off.

Tony kicked away the thin covers. He found the lube again, squirting out a decent amount into his hand. He hissed, the lube was  _ so _ cold on his dick, fuck,  _ Jesus. _ It warmed up in just a few moments, though, as he stroked himself. The superfluous lube slid between his legs, over his balls, down to reach his hole.

_ Perfect. _

His slippery fingers pushed on his rim. God, that was good. He hadn’t had  _ that _ in a long while. Yeah, he and Pepper used to bust out the strap-on now and then, but man, the real thing? That was way long ago. He wished,  _ only slightly, _ that Bucky would join him; now, when he was lying there, right in the middle of it, all Tony wanted was to get fucked.

He stroked his cock slowly, gripping himself in that perfectly tight way that he  _ loved, _ and pressed one finger inside himself.  _ Fuck, yes. _ He kept it slow. He wanted to enjoy this. He teased over the head just as he did the same to his prostate.  _ Ah, _ that was good, right there.

Oh, fuck it, he didn’t have the patience for this!

He parted his legs further, he fucked his hole faster, taking another finger, gripped his cock and stroked it faster. A hungry moan echoed in the room.

He conjured up images in his head, all the things he wanted. He wanted Bucky. He wanted Bucky to walk out of the bathroom and drop his towel and jump on him and fuck him hard, kiss him senseless and make him scream to God as he came. He wanted to take it slow, and be picked apart slowly, made to scream and cry and beg for mercy and release.

The bathroom door opened. Tony froze, staring wide-eyed at Bucky. The soldier was naked, soaking wet, hair dripping, the brace all wet too. Bucky crossed the room and all but threw himself over Tony. The engineer moaned as Bucky’s mouth attached itself to his neck. Of course, that wasn’t to say that he wasn’t also extremely confused.

“I thought you didn’t want to.” Tony said, trailing off in a soft groan.

Bucky’s body felt strange; cold and hot at the same time. The water was icy, but his skin seemed to boil. His hair soaked the sheets.

“I do, I do wanna, I do, I swear.” Bucky panted. “I could hear you, couldn’t take it, I want you.”

Oh, God, that felt good, that felt amazing, Bucky’s mouth was on his throat and his arm wrapping around Tony and pulling him closer and their bodies moving together.

No. Nope, nope, no, no, no, Tony couldn’t do this.

He pushed Bucky away, hands to the man’s wide chest. Bucky stopped. He dragged himself away from Tony’s throat and looked down at him with confused eyes.

“What is it? What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asked raptly.

Tony shook his head but pushed the soldier again. The man moved off him, which allowed Tony to sit up.

“I’m okay. You didn’t hurt me.” he assured. “I just...you said no before. So I just wanted to make sure that...that this is what you want. What you really want. I mean, I don’t want you to do something then change your mind after and feel...bad. I want you to...want it too. Does that make sense? Made sense in my head but sometimes things make sense in my head then get weird when they leave my mouth.”

The soldier chuckled beside him. He reached his hand out and ran it down Tony’s back, petting him gently.

“I want it. I do. I wanted it before too, before I said no. But the last thing I want is to hurt you.” Bucky explained. “I’m...scared of him. He wants to hurt people and he wants to use me to do it. I’m scared that if I get all...wrapped up in  _ you _ there won’t be enough left of me to keep him in his box. I want it but I’m scared of it.”

“But on the ship. You got all... _ into _ it.” Tony said.

Bucky sighed as Tony lay down again.

“I did. I got...wrapped up in you. I think we were lucky it was over so soon. If it wasn’t...I think he might’ve tried to take over.”

Tony found Bucky’s hand between them and held it tight.

“I won’t let him.” the engineer promised.

Bucky smiled.

“Maybe if you...um, tie me up? He can’t hurt you if he can’t move.”

Tony grinned.  _ “Kinky. _ I like it.”

Bucky laughed as Tony jumped out of bed and ran awkwardly to the closet.  _ Hey, _ Tony still had a boner and running with a boner is kind of  _ really _ difficult, okay?! He threw open the closet doors and searched ravenously.

“Nice view in this place.” Bucky said absently, apropos nothing at all.

Tony hummed as he sifted through the masses of clothes packed onto the shelves and hangers.

“Yeah, it’s a beautiful valley.” he replied, just as absently.

He heard the soldier snort. “Not what I was talkin’ about.”

Tony barely heard him. He was all too focused on the almost absurdly long scarf he found in a drawer. Not perfect, but good enough. He hurried back to bed. Bucky shuffled into the middle of the bed and reached up to grab at the ornate headboard. Tony tied the scarf tightly around Bucky’s wrist, double knots just to be safe, then slipped the other end through the holes carved in the decorations and tied it off.

He straddled Bucky’s body quickly, smiling at how Bucky was smiling at him. He looked like he  _ actually _ really wanted Tony. That was still amazing to him, somehow. It just seemed impossible.

“You’re sure you wanna do it like this?” Tony asked again.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Just...if you ever, y’know, wanna stop then just say the word, okay?” Tony reminded. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

The soldier nodded again. “I know. Thank you. Promise I’ll say somethin’ if I feel like it.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s good.” Tony mumbled before diving in to kiss Bucky again.

Oh, God, he wished Bucky could put his hands all over him, wished he could feel Bucky groping and touching. But it was okay. He could feel Bucky’s hard body under him so it didn’t matter. Tony found the lube yet again, stopping for half a second to get some out of the bottle. He reached between them, fumbling for a moment in the heat of this amazing, perfect, hot kiss to spread the lube along Bucky’s cock. He lead it, so hard and big and good, to his hole.

He pulled back, out of the kiss, just enough to look at Bucky as he slipped inside. His mouth fell open in awe, staring at Bucky with big eyes, and Bucky stared back like he couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Oh, fuck...” Tony gasped out.

He sank onto Bucky, taking him deeper. The whole bedframe rattled as the soldier tugged on his bindings, groaning aloud at Tony. The engineer almost  _ cried _ as he realized he had bottomed out. It was just...so fucking deep, holy hell.

_ “Fuck...” _ Bucky groaned, “C’mon, move. Jesus, c’mon...oh, shit.”

Tony nodded as he sat up on it, leaning back slightly. Ever the showman, as they say. He rolled his body into it, onto Bucky, feeling him move and slide inside him. Bucky just  _ stared _ at him, almost in disbelief. He stroked his own cock too as he fell into the rhythm of riding Bucky and fucking himself slow and good.

His ran his hands over Bucky’s chest. He felt over beautiful hard muscles and teased his nipples just enough to make the man gasp

“Ca-  _ shit, _ can I fuck you?” the soldier asked, as Tony’s fingers tangled in his hair and tugged on the wet strands.

Tony couldn’t talk, he just nodded. It was an awkward fumble and shuffle to reposition themselves. Tony got on his back under Bucky, who happily lay on top of him. He lead Bucky to his hole again and oh, God, Bucky pushed inside fast and hard.

He didn’t waste any time. He gripped the headboard again and started moving. All Tony could do was cling to him and hang on for the ride. They ignored how the bedframe rattled and slammed the wall over and over again.

Bucky did it so perfect; so hard it almost hurt, driving deeper at every single decisive move, looking down at Tony like he wanted to devour him. Tony moaned, eyes rolling back in his head, body arching off the bed, trying his best to move into every thrust. He clawed at Bucky’s back and tried to pull his even closer, wanting to take more and more and more. Bucky kissed him with a desperately filthy hunger.

Tony braced against the headboard too.  _ “Harder, harder, give it to me harder.” _ he pleaded into the kiss. “So close, ‘m gonna-“

Bucky growled and did as he was asked.


	15. Chapter 15

“The doctors did a good job with ya.” Bucky said.

They wandered through the palace. Tony had been back with the doctors again for a check-up to make sure everything had healed well, but after that? They didn’t really have anything to do. Tony had to go home soon so they wanted to be together for as long as possible before then.

“Yeah, it’s fucking amazing. This place is  _ amazing. _ I have to talk to the Princess before I leave. What was her name again? Shuri?”

“Yeah.” Bucky said, swinging their entwined hands between them as they walked. “She’s great. Bright as hell. You two’ll talk circles around my ass, I know that.”

Tony laughed, bumping shoulders with the soldier. “Don’t say that. You’re smart too. Maybe in a different way but still smart. I mean, I’m  _ science _ smart. You’re, like,  _ soldier _ smart. Tactics and strategy and fighting.”

The soldier snorted. He tugged Tony closer to his side and wrapped his arm over his shoulders. Tony’s arm settled around Bucky’s waist.

“This is nice.”

“Yeah.”

“We won’t be apart for long, y’know.” Tony said. “I gotta go home and handle this whole mess. You’ll be out there, hunting memories. With my Suits and stuff, I can meet you anywhere. We’ll have to sneak around a bit but that’s sexy. Forbidden fruit and all that.”

_ “You’re _ sexy.” Bucky said. He leaned in close to Tony’s ear to whisper. “I mean, you looked sexy as hell when you were ridin’ my dick.”

Tony actually blushed. “Well,  _ you _ were sexy when you were fucking my brains out. Maybe I’ll take some time when I get home and put together some super soldier proof handcuffs.” he said. “And maybe I’ll bring some fun toys whenever we meet up.”

“Toys?” Bucky questioned.

_ “Oh, my God."  _ Tony exclaimed. “It will be my genuine pleasure to introduce you to the wide world of modern sex toys. I’ll bring my collection.”

Bucky laughed, reaching down to give Tony’s ass a playful squeeze. “Sounds like a good time. I can’t wait.”

_ “Bucky?” _

They both froze. They both knew  _ that _ voice very, very well. They turned around, separating from each other.

“Tony? Wha-... What’s happening? How’d you get here?” Steve questioned. “Bucky, when’d you get out of cryo? Why’d no one call?”

The engineer sighed, taking another step back from Bucky and crossing his arms tightly.  _ “Great. _ Another party for the big apple pie in the sky to break up. Fantastic.”

“Tony-” Bucky attempted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve interrupted, face twisting from confusion to anger and frustration.

Tony couldn’t help but let out a sardonic little laugh. “You wanna know what that’s supposed to mean?” He asked, stomping to meet the Captain. “Alright. This is what that’s supposed to mean. You were _Captain fucking America._ You were supposed to be a symbol for, _for the greater good!_ The Accords weren’t about _you!_ Not about me, about any of us! They were about _people!_ They were about _protecting_ _people,_ and _that,_ is the greatest good there is, you piece of shit.”

Steve was almost stunned. He stared at Tony.

“I admired you. I  _ loved _ you. I loved you like a goddamn brother. You were my  _ friend. _ But that’s the thing people always say, right? That that’s the saddest thing about betrayal? It only ever comes from your friends. And _ look, _ I get it. I do. I really, really do. You didn’t want an encore of the SHIELD-HYDRA bullshit.  _ Trust me, _ I didn’t either. But goddammit, Steve, man the hell up and understand that you don’t  _ always _ know what’s best.  _ You are not the beacon of just causes. You are not judge, jury, and executioner. _ But I’m gonna make it real fucking simple for ya, soldier boy.”

Tony put on a smile, taking Steve by the shoulders, looking him deep in the eyes.

“ Pull your head out of your ass.”

He patted Steve on the shoulder, then turned on a heel and moved back to where Bucky stood.

“When you do, feel free to gimme a call.” he added at Steve, just before looking to Bucky again. “Babe, why don’t you explain our thing to Steve before he has an aneurysm about it and I’ll wait in your room. Don’t take too long though, we should really get going soon.”

“Yeah.” Bucky said. “The Suit’s under the bed.”

They stepped into each other’s space like they’d been doing this for years, wrapping around each other. Bucky leaned down, Tony stood up on his toes, they shared a short little kiss; something to hold them over for the ten minutes they’d be apart. Bucky jolted, surprised, when Tony squeezed his ass. Tony laughed and hurried away before Bucky could retaliate.

*

The flight was quiet. Neither of them knew what to say.

They had already decided where to meet next. Tony would take a few weeks to get shit in order, during which they would stay in contact over the phone and such, then they would find each other in France. At Tony’s place on the Riviera, or maybe his apartment in Paris, whichever they felt like at the moment. Maybe the city first then take a few days to relax on the Riviera. Spend some time on his private beach.

“We’re comin’ for a landin’.” Bucky said, taking over control from the auto-pilot.

Tony got up from the couch. He shuffled over to stand next to the pilot’s chair. He watched quietly as Bucky piloted them closer to the Avengers Complex.

“Got a transmission incoming.” the soldier said and opened the frequency.

_ “Unknown aircraft, please identify yourself. If you do not identify yourself, we will be forced to take defensive actions.” _

Tony smiled. “Friday, it’s me, settle down.” he said.

_ “Mister Stark, it’s very good to hear your voice.” _ the AI responded.  _ “Shall I prepare the medbay for your arrival?” _

“No, that won’t be necessary, I got some help already so I’m okay.”

_ “That’s good to hear, boss. Everyone’s eager to see you.” _

“Yeah. Me too.”

Bucky set the ship down on the back lawn, powering down the thrusters and engines.

Tony carried the bag of Suit pieces. Bucky dragged the legs of the Suit. The moved down through the ship to the exit. They waited in silence as the door opened for them.

“So...I guess we’ll talk on the phone.” Tony said. “And see each other in a few weeks.”

The soldier nodded. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“How...did Steve take it?”

Bucky sighed lowly. “He was confused. A little angry, I think. I think he’s worried about me gettin’ caught while we’re sneakin’ around and shit, and you’ll get chomped up by the media and shit.”

Tony hummed, nodding to himself. He cleared his throat and looked up at his... _ boyfriend? _

“So we’ll talk tonight?”

“Yeah. Don’t know what time zone I’ll be in but call whenever you want.”

“Okay. This is awkward, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is. I don’t...know what to say. Or do.”

“Me neither. So...maybe we should just kiss and hug, then I’ll leave, and we’ll talk tonight?”

Bucky smiled. “Sounds like a good plan.”

They kissed slowly, taking plenty of time to enjoy it. They held each other close and tight.

Tony dragged the legs of the Suit with him as he left the ship, stepping out onto the lawn. He looked back to where Bucky stood on the ship. He smiled and waved. The soldier waved back.

Yeah. They’d figure it out.


End file.
